- Theresa Russo: Don't worry, Honey. I'm going to help you with your Español.
- Alex Russo: Okay, that's fine, but I need help with my Spanish, too.
- Theresa Russo: Español *is* Spanish.
- Alex Russo: Español is Spanish for what?
- [first lines]
- Alex Russo: Check it out; I got an F on my Spanish midterm.
- Harper Finkle: Why are you so happy about it?
- Alex Russo: Because Riley got an F too; that means he's been paying as much attention to me as I've been to him.
- [sighs]
- Alex Russo: Failing Spanish is hard work.
- Harper Finkle: How is failing Spanish hard work?
- Alex Russo: Every day I show up late so he'll definitely notice me; then, I forget my textbook so we have to share one, and finally I let the teacher catch us passing notes so she keeps us both after class.
- Harper Finkle: That is hard work! You must be exhausted!
- Alex Russo: That's why I sleep during History.
- [last lines]
- Justin Russo: Alex! Wow, thanks for not ratting us out.
- Alex Russo: Don't thank me. I didn't rat you out because I'm going to get even for you guys getting even.
- Justin Russo: Oh.
- Max Russo: Oh no! *Her* getting even is *way* worse than telling.
- Justin Russo: [Running upstairs, yells] Dad, it was us!
- Max Russo: We did it!
- Justin Russo: We gave the elves chocolate!
- Harper Finkle: Here comes your brother. I think he's coming over here. Oh, he's so cute. I never know what to say to him.
- Alex Russo: Just talk about current events. He loves current events.
- Justin Russo: Hey, guys.
- Harper Finkle: Alex failed her Spanish midterm!
- Alex Russo: Not *that* current.