Doctor Who (TV Series)

Utopia (2007)

Derek Jacobi: Professor Yana

Photos 

Quotes 

• The Doctor : And Utopia is...?

  Professor Yana : Oh, every human knows of Utopia. Where have you been?

  The Doctor : Bit of a hermit.

  Professor Yana : A-a hermit

  [sounds doubtful] 

  Professor Yana : with, uh, friends?

  The Doctor : Hermits United. We meet up every 10 years, swap stories about caves. It's good fun. For a hermit.

• The Professor : Did you never think, all those years standing beside me, to ask about that watch? Never? Did you never once think - not ever - that you could set me free?

  Chantho : Chan-I'm sorry-tho! Chan-I'm so sorry...

  The Professor : And you, with your chan and your tho driving me insane!

  Chantho : Chan-Professor, please!

  The Professor : THAT IS NOT MY NAME! "The Professor" was an invention. So perfect a disguise that I forgot who I am.

  Chantho : Chan-Then who are you-tho?

  The Master : I am... the Master.

• The Professor : Killed by an insect. A girl. How inappropriate. Still, if The Doctor can be young and strong, then so can I. The Master reborn!

  [he begins to regenerate] 

• Doctor : Prof. Yana, this new science is well beyond me. But all the same, a boost reversal circuit in any time frame must be a circuit which reverses the boost. So, I wonder, what would happen if I... did... this?

  [uses sonic screwdriver on a cable, then pulls it apart. Sirens sound and lights flash in lab] 

  Chantho : Chan, it's working, tho!

  Prof. Yana : But how did you do that?

  Doctor : While we've been chatting away, I forgot to tell you: I'm brilliant.

• The Doctor : It strikes me, Professor, that you've got a room that no one can enter without dying. Is that correct?

  Prof. Yana : Yes.

  The Doctor : Well...

  [Jack comes back to life] 

  The Doctor : ...I think I've got just the man.

  Captain Jack Harkness : Was someone kissing me?

• The Doctor : That rocket's not going to fly, is it? This footprint mechanism thing. It's not working.

  Professor Yana : We'll find a way.

  The Doctor : You're stuck on this planet, and you haven't told them, have you? That lot out there, they still think they're going to fly.

  Professor Yana : Well, it's better to let them live in hope.

  The Doctor : Quite right too.

• Martha : [lifting a Tank of water containing a hand out of Jack's bag and placing it on the tabetop]  Oh, my, God! You've got a hand? A hand in a jar? A hand, in a jar, in your bag!

  Doctor : Bu-tha-tha-that's *my* hand!

  Jack : I said I had a Doctor Detector.

  Chantho : Chan, is this a tradition amongst your people, tho?

  Martha : Not on my street! What do you mean that's your hand? You've got both your hands! I can see them!

  Doctor : Long story. I lost my hand, Christmas Day, in a sword fight.

  [Flashback: The Sycorax Leader chops the Doctor's hand off] 

  Martha : What? And you... grew another hand?

  Doctor : Um, yeah. I did, yeah.

  [holds it up and waves it] 

  Doctor : Hello.

  Professor Yana : [to the Doctor]  Might I ask, what species are you?

  Doctor : Time Lord. Last of. Heard of them? Legend or anything? Not even a myth? Blimey, the end of the Universe is a bit humbling.

  Chantho : Chan, it is said that I am the last of my species too, tho.

  Doctor : Sorry, what was your name?

  Professor Yana : My assistant, and good friend Chantho. A survivor of the Malmooth, this was their planet Malcassairo, before we took refuge.

  Doctor : The city outside, that was yours?

  Chantho : Chan, the conglomeration died, tho.

  Doctor : Conglomeration! That's what I said!

  Jack : You're supposed to say, "sorry".

  Doctor : Oh, yes.

  [to Chantho] 

  Doctor : Sorry.

  Chantho : Chan, most grateful, tho.

• Martha Jones : The Doctor sort of travels through time and space and picks us up. God, I make us sound like stray dogs. Maybe we are.

  Professor Yana : He travels in time?

  Martha Jones : Don't ask me to explain it. That's a TARDIS, that box thing. The sportscar of time travel, he says.

  [the word "TARDIS" echoes in Yana's head] 

• The Doctor : But if the universe is falling apart, then what does Utopia mean?

  Professor Yana : [Professor Yana appears, looking pleased, looks between The Doctor and Jack. Then, pointing to Jack]  The Doctor?

  The Doctor : That's me.

  Professor Yana : Ah! Good!

  [excitedly grabs the Doctor's hand a runs down the corridor with him in tow] 

  Professor Yana : GOOD! Good! Good! Good, good, good, good! Good! Good!

  The Doctor : [looks back at Jack and Martha]  It's "good" apparently.

• The Professor's watch : The drums, the drums, the drums, the never-ending drumbeat. Open me, you human fool. Open the light and summon me, receive my majesty!

• Professor Yana : Time and time and time again, always running out on me.

  Martha Jones : [looking at his watch nervously]  Can I have a look at that?

  Professor Yana : Oh, it's only an old relic. Like me.

  Martha Jones : Where did you get it?

  Professor Yana : I was found with it.

  Martha Jones : What do you mean?

  Professor Yana : An orphan in the storm. I was a naked child found on the coast of the Silver Devestation. Abandoned with only this.

  Martha Jones : Have you ever opened it?

  Professor Yana : Why would I? It's broken.

  Martha Jones : How do you know it's broken if you've never opened it?

  Professor Yana : It's stuck. It's old. It's not meant to be. I don't know.

  [Martha turns the watch over. The same alien writing as the Doctor's is on it] 

  Professor Yana : [suspiciously]  Does it matter?

  Martha Jones : No... it's... nothing. Listen, everything's fine up here. I'm going to see if The Doctor needs me.

  [runs out in a panic] 

• The Doctor : I'm a bit of a hermit really.

  The Professor : A hermit with friends?

  The Doctor : Mmm. Hermits United. We get together every 10 years and swap stories about caves. It's good fun. For a hermit.

• [Yana glances at the surface scanner] 

  Professor Yana : Movement on the surface. Another "human hunt". God help him.

  Chantho : Chan-should I alert the guards-tho?

  Professor Yana : No, no, we can't spare them. Old beggar's on his own. One more lost soul... dreaming of Utopia.

  Chantho : Chan-you mustn't talk as if you've given up-tho.

  Professor Yana : No, no, indeed. Here's to it - Utopia.

  [Yana sips his coffee, looking a little disgusted at the taste] 

  Professor Yana : Where it is to be hoped the coffee is a little less sour. Will you join me?

  Chantho : Chan-I am happy drinking my own internal milk-tho.

  Professor Yana : Yes, well... that's quite enough information, thank you.

• The Doctor : You've built this system out of food and string and staples. Professor Yana, you're a genius.

  Prof. Yana : Says than man who made it work.

  The Doctor : Aah, it's easy, coming in at the end. But you're stellar, this is, this is magnificent!

• Professor Yana : It's just a headache. It's just this noise inside my head, Doctor. Constant noise inside my head.

  The Doctor : What sort of noise?

  Professor Yana : It's the sound of drums. More and more, as though it's getting closer.

  The Doctor : When did it start?

  Professor Yana : I've had it all my life, every waking hour. Still, no rest for the wicked.

• Professor Yana : The call came from across the stars, over and over again. 'Come to Utopia'. Originating from that point.

  The Doctor : Where is that?

  Professor Yana : Oh, it's far beyond the condensed wilderness, out towards the wildlands and the dark matter reefs, calling us in. The last of the humans scattered across the night.

  The Doctor : What do you think's out there?

  Professor Yana : We can't know. A colony? A city? Some sort of haven? The science foundation created the Utopia project thousands of years ago to preserve mankind, to find a way of surviving beyond the collapse of reality itself. Perhaps they found it. Perhaps not, but it's worth a look, don't you think?

  The Doctor : Oh yes.

• [the Professor throws a switch, locking the Doctor and others out] 

  Chantho : Chan- But you've locked them in- Tho.

  The Professor : Not to worry my dear. As one door closes another must open.

  [he throws another, letting the Futurekind into the silo] 

• Captain Jack Harkness : So what are those things outside? The Beastie boys, what are they?

  Professor Yana : We call them the Futurekind. Which is a myth in itself. But it's feared they are what we will become unless we reach Utopia.

• Professor Yana : [weeping]  It's time travel...! They say there was time travel, back in the old days... I never *believed!*... but what would I know... stupid old man... never could keep time... always late, always lost...

  [pulls out fobwatch] 

  Professor Yana : Even this thing... never worked.

• Professor Yana : Even my title is an affectation. There hasn't been such a thing as a university for over a thousand years. I've spent my life going from one refugee ship to another.

  The Doctor : If you'd been born in a different time, you'd be revered. I mean it. Throughout the galaxies.

  Professor Yana : Oh, those damn galaxies. They had to go and collapse. Some admiration would have been nice. Just a little, just once.

  The Doctor : Well, you have it now. That footprint engine thing, you can't activate it from onboard. It's got to be done from here. You're staying behind.

  Professor Yana : With Chantho. She won't leave without me. She simply refuses.

  The Doctor : You'd give your life so they could fly?

  Professor Yana : Think I'm a little too old for Utopia. Time I had some sleep.

• [the Master removes the navigational co-ordinates from the compter] 

  The Master : [sarcastically]  Utopia.