The Adventures of Tintin (2011)
Andy Serkis: Captain Haddock, Sir Francis Haddock
Photos
Quotes
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Captain Haddock : I thought you were an optimist.
Tintin : You were wrong, weren't you? I'm a realist.
Captain Haddock : Ah, it's just another name for a quitter.
Tintin : You can call me what you like. Don't you get it? We failed.
Captain Haddock : Failed. There are plenty of others willing to call you a failure. A fool. A loser. A hopeless souse. Don't you ever say it of yourself. You send out the wrong signal, that is what people pick up. Don't you understand? You care about something, you fight for it. You hit a wall, you push through it. There's something you need to know about failure, Tintin. You can never let it defeat you.
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Captain Haddock : My memory isn't the way it used to be.
Tintin : How was it?
Captain Haddock : I've forgotten.
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Captain Haddock : Nobody takes my ship!
Tintin : They've already taken it.
Captain Haddock : But nobody takes my ship twice!
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Captain Haddock : What is this peculiar beverage? It had no bouquet, it's completely transparent.
Tintin : It's water.
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Tintin : We've got bad news. We've only got one bullet.
Captain Haddock : What's the good news?
Tintin : We've got ONE bullet.
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[from trailer]
[in a plane]
Captain Haddock : You do know what you're doing, right?
Tintin : Relax. I interviewed a pilot once!
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Tintin : What have you done?
Captain Haddock : I lit a wee fire...
Tintin : *In a boat?*
[explosion]
Tintin : Well, this is a fine mess.
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Tintin : How's your thirst for adventure, Captain?
Captain Haddock : Unquenchable, Tintin.
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Captain Haddock : So you thought you'd sneak in an' catch me with me trousers down, eh?
Tintin : I'd rather you keep your trousers on if it's all the same to you!
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Captain Haddock : Blistering treasure! It's Red Rackham's barnacles!
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Tintin : Captain, can you get us to Bagghar?
Captain Haddock : What sort of a stupid question is that?
[gets up]
Captain Haddock : Give me those oars! I'll show you some real seamanship, laddie! I'll not be doubted by some pipsqueak tuft of ginger and his irritating dog. I am master and commander of the seas!
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Captain Haddock : [Haddock is chasing Sakharine's Bird] 10,000 Thundering Typhoons! Come here you pilfering parakeet!
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Captain Haddock : [seeing Snowy for the first time] A giant rat of Sumatra!
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[Closeup on Tintin, who is slowly waking up]
Captain Haddock : [echoing] Tintin? Tintin? Come warm yourself, laddie.
[Tintin wakes up to find that Captain Haddock has lit a fire out of the wooden oars, in the boat and is trying to warm himself]
Tintin : [horrified] Captain! What have you done?
Captain Haddock : [calmly] Oh, no need to thank me.
Tintin : What?
Captain Haddock : Well, you looked a little cold, so I lit a wee fire.
Tintin : *IN A BOAT*? No, those are our oars! We need those oars!
Captain Haddock : [snapping an oar in two and throwing it into the fire; merrily] Yes, but not for much longer.
Tintin : Have you gone MAD? Quick, Captain! Help me!
[frantically begins splashing salt water on the fire, trying to put it out]
Tintin : Captain help me quick!
Captain Haddock : [realizing his mistake] He's right! What have I done? What have I done?
[frantically grabs the whiskey bottle he was preparing to drink, opens it and pours it on the fire]
Tintin : No! Captain, not that!
[a massive explosion occurs from a distance]
Captain Haddock : [from the distance; moaning] Thundering Typhoons!
[Tintin and Haddock are now sitting on top the lifeboat, which has flipped upside down]
Tintin : Well, this is a fine mess.
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[from trailer]
[a shipwrecked Haddock spots a plane]
Captain Haddock : We're saved! A savior from above!
[the plane opens fire]
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[last lines]
Tintin : There's a clue to another treasure. How's your thirst for adventure, Captain?
Captain Haddock : Unquenchable, Tintin.
[Snowy winks at us]
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Captain Haddock : It was Allan, he nobbled me... and there was a bottle...
Tintin : There always is!
Captain Haddock : No, it's not like that...
Tintin : I can smell it on you!
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Captain Haddock : Ten thousand thundering typhoons!
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Captain Haddock : Billions of blistering barnacles!
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Captain Haddock : Red Rackham!
Ivanovich Sakharine : That's right! An ancestor of mine, just as Sir Francis was yours!
Captain Haddock : Unfinished business...
Ivanovich Sakharine : Oh, it's good you remember, Haddock - killing you drunk wouldn't have been as much fun!
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[Tintin and his friends have discovered that the "Milanese Nightengale" is none other than Opera singer, Bianca Castafiore by seeing a poster of her in the entrance of the sheik's palace]
Thomson : [amazed] My!
Inspector Thompson : [equally amazed] My!
Captain Haddock : [thickly] What a *dish.*
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Captain Haddock : Sir Francis Haddock was the greatest captain of the seven seas! Why do you think I drink? It's because I know I'll never be like him!
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[Tintin, Haddock and Snowy are in the lifeboat; Tintin rows]
Tintin : We have to get to Bagghar ahead of Sakharine.
Captain Haddock : I know, I know. Why?
Tintin : Because he has the third model ship.
Captain Haddock : How do *you* know?
Tintin : The Sheik collects old ships, and this...
[shows Haddock a photo of the model]
Tintin : ... is the prize of his collection.
Captain Haddock : Blistering blue barnacles, that is the Unicorn!
Tintin : Captain, do you see the distortion around the model?
Captain Haddock : Uh-huh, aye.
Tintin : It means that Ben Salaad exhibits it in a bulletproof glass case in his palace.
Captain Haddock : And Sakharine is going there to steal it!
Tintin : Yes, he has a secret weapon. The Milanese Nightingale, but that won't be enough to solve the mystery, and that is why Sakharine needs you. That's why he made you his prisoner. There is something he needs you to remember.
Captain Haddock : I don't follow you.
Tintin : I read it in a book.
[sits down]
Tintin : That only a true Haddock can discover the secret of the Unicorn.
[Haddock gasps and smiles as if he's remembered something; Tintin smiles back]
Captain Haddock : I don't remember anything about anything.
Tintin : But you *must* know about your ancestors, Sir Francis-- It's your family legacy.
Captain Haddock : My memory is not what it used to be.
Tintin : Well, what *did* it used to be?
Captain Haddock : I've forgotten.
[Snowy whines]
Tintin : Captain... can you get us to Bagghar?
Captain Haddock : [offended] What sort of a stupid question is *that*?
[stands up]
Captain Haddock : Give me those oars! I'll show you some *real* seamanship, laddie!
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Captain Haddock : [turns the handle of a locked door] Barnacles! Someone's locked the door!
Tintin : Well, is there a key?
Captain Haddock : A key? Ah!
[Haddock's breath makes Tintin wince and cough]
Captain Haddock : Yes, now, that would be the problem.
[Tintin struggles to keep his balance; follows Haddock who opens the door to the crew's sleeping quarters]
Captain Haddock : Mr. Jaggerman, top bunk in the centre, keeper of the keys. Careful, mate. He's a restless sleeper on account of the tragic loss of his eyelids.
Tintin : He lost his eyelids?
Captain Haddock : Aye. Now, that was a card game to remember.
[chuckles]
Captain Haddock : Oh, you really had to be there.
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[from trailer]
Captain Haddock : Nobody takes MY ship!
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[Tintin has escaped and stumbled into a room on the second deck of the ship, where he meets the eternally intoxicated Captain Haddock for the first time]
Captain Haddock : [brandashing a bent pipe; thinking Tintin is an intruder] So... you were trying' to catch me wi' my trousers down, huh?
Tintin : [dodging Haddock's blows] I would keep your trousers up, all the same to you.
Captain Haddock : [about Shakarine] He was planning all of this, trying to bump me off! He sent you here to kill me, huh?
Tintin : What are you talking about?
Captain Haddock : I knew he was going send someone to do th' job! Me murdered in bed by a baby-faced assassin!
[Snowy grabs a hold of Haddock's pants with his teeth]
Captain Haddock : [trying to shake Snowy off] Arrgh!
Tintin : No, No! You've got it all wrong! I'm not an assassin.
[Captain Haddock stops fighting]
Tintin : I was captured by a gang of thugs!
[There is a pause; Haddock begins to cry comically]
Captain Haddock : [tearfully] Oh, the filthy swine! He's turned the whole crew against me!
Tintin : Who did?
Captain Haddock : [still blubbering] Ah, the sour-faced man with the sugary name. He has bumped 'em off. Every last one of 'em!
Tintin : You mean, Sakharine?
Captain Haddock : [vehemently] NOBODY takes MY ship!
Tintin : You're the captain?
Captain Haddock : [sardonically] Of course, I am. WHO else would I be?
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Captain Haddock : Tintin!
[a crewman stands up in the lifeboat]
Pirate flunky #1 : Freeze!
[points a gun at Haddock]
Pirate flunky #1 : Put your hands up!
[Haddock lets go of the rope; both the crewman and the lifeboat fall off the ship; the lifeboat splashes into the sea and floats away]
Captain Haddock : [looks down at the crewman whose leg is now tangled up in the rope, leaving him hanging upside down above the water] And let that be a lesson to ya!
Pirate flunky #1 : Help me!
[Haddock starts to prepare a second lifeboat]
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Tintin : Sir Francis didn't make two models of the Unicorn. He made three! Three ships for three sons.
Captain Haddock : Excellent.
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[from trailer]
Captain Haddock : I SWEAR to find that treasure before 'im!
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Red Rackham : Kill his men!
Sir Francis Haddock : Nooooo!
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Tintin : Bad news, Captain. We've only got one bullet.
Captain Haddock : What's the good news?
Tintin : We've got one bullet.
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Tintin : If you'll excuse me, I need to find a way off this drunken tub.
[Tintin leaves Captain Haddock's cellar with a bang of the door]
Captain Haddock : [taken aback] Tu-*TUB?*
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Captain Haddock : [During the Port of Bagghar chase;Captain Haddock is trying to grab one of the scrolls before Sakharine's peregrine falcon can] Oh no, not again! Come here, my beauty!
