30 Rock (TV Series)
The Fighting Irish (2007)
Nathan Lane: Eddie
Photos
Quotes
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[Tracy is seeking a religion for publicity]
Tracy Jordan : Hey, Jack's brother: What religion are you? This one sounds really expensive and gay.
Eddie Donaghy : Oh, well, uh, I'm Irish Catholic. Now, I know there's been a lot of controversy around the church lately, ya know, because of The Da Vinci Code, but what's great is you can do anything - anything - and as long as you go to confession, it's forgiven.
Tracy Jordan : I'm Irish Catholic.
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Liz Lemon : Can I help you?
Eddie Donaghy : Yeah, sweetheart: I'm looking for Jack Donaghy.
Liz Lemon : And you are?
Eddie Donaghy : Eddie Donaghy - Jack's brother.
Liz Lemon : Really? 'Cause Jack never mentioned a brother, and his name is "Donagee," not "Donahee."
Eddie Donaghy : [considering her] You know, you could be pretty if you didn't scowl so much.
[Liz immediately believes Eddie]
Liz Lemon : Tracy, this is Jack's brother, Eddie.
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Eddie Donaghy : I got a real job now: I talk homeless people into joining the army.
Jack Donaghy : Isn't there anything that you want?
Eddie Donaghy : One thing: I'd like my brother back. Look, I know I've been nothing but trouble to you your entire life. Juvie, Jonestown, that time I punched Goofy... Hell, I even blinded you with a bottle rocket!
Jack Donaghy : Ah, that was for a couple of lousy months; big deal. I had sex with your prom date.
Eddie Donaghy : I stole your identity.
Jack Donaghy : I threw you out of a window.
Eddie Donaghy : I convinced you you had lupus.
Jack Donaghy : I microwaved your parakeet!
Eddie Donaghy : I hated that bird.
Jack Donaghy : We had some great times, didn't we?
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Jack Donaghy : When I think of all the things that I've been holding inside me that I wanted to say to you.
[holds up fists]
Jack Donaghy : Well, now I'm gonna let St. Patrick and St. Michael do my talking for me!
Jack's Dad : You'll have to get through Tip O'Neill and Bobby Sands first!
Eddie Donaghy : You call those fist names? Say hello to Bono and Sandra Day O'Connor!
Jack Donaghy : Those are the stupidest fist names I've ever heard.
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Eddie Donaghy : Hey, Jack, you mind if I take a few grapes for dinner later?
Jack Donaghy : Why don't you just take the money?
Eddie Donaghy : No! If you wanna give money to someone, you give it to those nurses who took care of Dad at Chicago All-Saints Hospital. They never once said anything about the racist stuff, towards the end.
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Eddie Donaghy : Wow! I bet Pop's lookin' down right now and saying, "If I could come back and do any broad, it'd be that one right there."
Liz Lemon : [chuckles and then speaks seriously] Ew.
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Katherine Catherine : It's on.
Eddie Donaghy : I call same sides as the bicentennial brawl!