"Hilfe, die Familie kommt!" is a German television film from 2007, so this one is way over a decade old now and who knows maybe it is closer to its 20th anniversary than to its 10th when you read this review depending on when you get here. It runs for the usual slightly under 1.5 hours for German small screen releases and most other aspects here are what you would expect. It may be bad, but sadly it is not the exception, but really what you've been getting with German television films for a long time. But first things first: The director is Dietmar Klein. He started in the early 1990s as a writer--director, but quickly focused on directing only. The first decade of the new millennium was where he was truly prolific, with a lot more than this movie here, but all he did was in charge of was honestly pretty horrible. No need to say things differently than the way they are. Of course, seeing his contribution to an Utta Danella movie makes it very obvious, but everything else isn't better either. At best boring and uninspired, at worst extremely unrealistic and embarrassing. He is in his 60s now and still working. The writer for this movie we got here was Martin Douven. He is a decade younger and still active and he "deserves" a special mention because script is always key. Neither the best director, nor the best cast can really be blamed for a messed-up movie because no matter how good they may be, if the screenplay is complete nonsense, then there will be no saving grace. What Douven came up with here can certainly be called nonsense. He launched his career back in the 1990s with the trashy German daily soap opera "Unter uns" ("Between you and me") and it seems he has not improved one bit since then and all hope is lost he ever will. Pity. However, with ARD television films, even the least talented still get their shot here and there because the citizen pays for all this mess with his GEZ fee. Actually enough for those very untalented people to receive a pretty nice salary here. So can you really blame them? If i got thousands of bucks for something I am horrible at, I would probably not reject the offer either. But let's not drift too far away now. If you take a look at the cringeworthy title, you probably guessed correctly already that this film would be a mess. And it sure is. Gonna get to the cast in a second, but one quick statement before that, there is another German film that starts with "Hilfe" from the same writer, which is not a sequel though. Luckily. This film here deserves everything, but not a second movie with the same characters. By the way, Douven sounds rather Belgian or so, but apparently he is German, but was born in Northrhine-Westphalia, so not too far away from our western neighbors. Now the cast: Gaby Dohm is always a safe indicator for a film to be poor. She is just an incredibly overrated actress for whom supporting characters are already a huge challenge, so no clue why she constantly gets cast in lead roles. Not sure if she still does today, but she did for a long time. It cannot only be that she slightly resembles Frances McDormand. Her male co-lead is Günther Maria Halmer and I have not been too harsh on him in the past, but honestly the sheer quantity of these trashy ARd television films (frequently Degeto) he has been in makes it difficult to go easy on him. Cashing in all the time, but zero creativity or promise. I mean he once acted in "Cabaret" and "Gandhi". Sad to see him stooping this low not for a long time. Supporting cast there are some more familiar faces like Mues, von Pufendorf, Kaufmann and Löbel who died briefly after this film came out, but she already acted for 70 years before that, so no surprise. I mean it could very well be that you recognize nobody from this quartet, but maybe one or two other cast members, but yeah no really big names here.
Now, before I get too talk a bit about the story, let me say that once again i find it ridiculous (not in a good way) that a company called "Theaterkunst" worked on this movie as well. "Kunst" is the German word for "art" and this film could not be any further away from making an artistic impact whatsoever. And these losers actually worked on many terrible tellevision films from my country. Also in German, unlike English, "Theater" only means stage theater and not movie theater, so it is even further incorrect. Truly embarrassing. Now, why did this film suck story-wise. Many reasons. It is already fairly messed up from the start with the spectacular birthday present a husband makes his wife. Said present is logistically and financially something you should alway discuss with your partner 100% and not just put it out there. But yeah, we all know these films are truly anti-male all the time, so the husband constantly has to prove himself worthy of his queen. I can literally see some of those fools who are stupid enough to appreciate this film complain in the evening to their poor husbands why they won't gift them a house in Sweden. But back to the movie. Don't even expect the wife to be really grateful. Instead all she does is whine when the husband organized her family to be there and sing for her. Which of course goes wrong as it always does in these movies because for some reason (actually for no reason) they start too early. Queen shall not be surprised. So the protagonists end up in Sweden eventually, but they do not find the calm and happiness right away in terms of what they have been looking for because their kids and grandkids all have their struggles too and follow their parents right away to Sweden. Strange. They got no lives, no jobs, no obligations that keep them in Germany? Very bizarre. To create some pseudo drama we have one of the kids bleeding from its knee and I could hear the "ooooh" literally from hundreds of kilometers away right into my apartment. This noise comes of course again from the easily influenced. And what happens when the elderly couple finally wants to be strict and tell everybody to leave? They can't because it's time for Midsommar celebration obviously. No stereotype left behind, that much is safe. And minutes later, the heartbroken newly-wed daughter of the male protagonist from a previous marriage arrives because her husband cheated on her. She seems to be a nutcase anyway, but yeah well, she is not Dohm's character's daughter, otherwise she would not be this crazy. Indirectly manipulating that the previous marriage was not sane and right for the male protagonist before he found his queen, i.e., Dohm's character. But no matter how crazy said woman is, she is still good enough for her unfaithful husband having regrets and realizing that he truly loves her now. You can always fit in a message that males are cheaters really. Oh well, admittedly it is not exclusively males in these films, just most of the time, and when a female does it, then it is because her husband neglected her and because it is true love with the new guy. Obviously. Is theer anything else to say about this film? A lot actually, but the tone would not change that it is just all showing very effortlessly how this film sucks from beginning to end. ust take the final note and how they shoved into our faces that the elderly couple loves their kids, but has a right to pull through with their plan that everybody needs to leave, so they find peace and happiness again. I kinda doubt everybody will be gone once they are back, but who knows. Luckily there is no sequel as I stated earlier. Anything positive to say here? Yep, Anja Knauer is great eye candy. The girls in here are generally not too unattractive. But it's all make-bellieve like I said. Does not make them more talented either. I read another reviewer say that this film is not typical ARD television nonsense like many other of these films. I strongly disagree. It is as uninspired, bland and unrealistic as it gets. Big thumbs-down. Highly not recommended. Absolutely shameful trash like this is still shown way over ten years after its original release. Boo!
Now, before I get too talk a bit about the story, let me say that once again i find it ridiculous (not in a good way) that a company called "Theaterkunst" worked on this movie as well. "Kunst" is the German word for "art" and this film could not be any further away from making an artistic impact whatsoever. And these losers actually worked on many terrible tellevision films from my country. Also in German, unlike English, "Theater" only means stage theater and not movie theater, so it is even further incorrect. Truly embarrassing. Now, why did this film suck story-wise. Many reasons. It is already fairly messed up from the start with the spectacular birthday present a husband makes his wife. Said present is logistically and financially something you should alway discuss with your partner 100% and not just put it out there. But yeah, we all know these films are truly anti-male all the time, so the husband constantly has to prove himself worthy of his queen. I can literally see some of those fools who are stupid enough to appreciate this film complain in the evening to their poor husbands why they won't gift them a house in Sweden. But back to the movie. Don't even expect the wife to be really grateful. Instead all she does is whine when the husband organized her family to be there and sing for her. Which of course goes wrong as it always does in these movies because for some reason (actually for no reason) they start too early. Queen shall not be surprised. So the protagonists end up in Sweden eventually, but they do not find the calm and happiness right away in terms of what they have been looking for because their kids and grandkids all have their struggles too and follow their parents right away to Sweden. Strange. They got no lives, no jobs, no obligations that keep them in Germany? Very bizarre. To create some pseudo drama we have one of the kids bleeding from its knee and I could hear the "ooooh" literally from hundreds of kilometers away right into my apartment. This noise comes of course again from the easily influenced. And what happens when the elderly couple finally wants to be strict and tell everybody to leave? They can't because it's time for Midsommar celebration obviously. No stereotype left behind, that much is safe. And minutes later, the heartbroken newly-wed daughter of the male protagonist from a previous marriage arrives because her husband cheated on her. She seems to be a nutcase anyway, but yeah well, she is not Dohm's character's daughter, otherwise she would not be this crazy. Indirectly manipulating that the previous marriage was not sane and right for the male protagonist before he found his queen, i.e., Dohm's character. But no matter how crazy said woman is, she is still good enough for her unfaithful husband having regrets and realizing that he truly loves her now. You can always fit in a message that males are cheaters really. Oh well, admittedly it is not exclusively males in these films, just most of the time, and when a female does it, then it is because her husband neglected her and because it is true love with the new guy. Obviously. Is theer anything else to say about this film? A lot actually, but the tone would not change that it is just all showing very effortlessly how this film sucks from beginning to end. ust take the final note and how they shoved into our faces that the elderly couple loves their kids, but has a right to pull through with their plan that everybody needs to leave, so they find peace and happiness again. I kinda doubt everybody will be gone once they are back, but who knows. Luckily there is no sequel as I stated earlier. Anything positive to say here? Yep, Anja Knauer is great eye candy. The girls in here are generally not too unattractive. But it's all make-bellieve like I said. Does not make them more talented either. I read another reviewer say that this film is not typical ARD television nonsense like many other of these films. I strongly disagree. It is as uninspired, bland and unrealistic as it gets. Big thumbs-down. Highly not recommended. Absolutely shameful trash like this is still shown way over ten years after its original release. Boo!