- Weekend Update Anchor: Researchers in West Virginia announced Friday the results of a study that suggest playing the video game "Dance, Dance Revolution" improves the health of overweight kids. Though not as much as its rival game, "Hamburger on a String."
- Donatella Versace: Oh, my God! Why do you eat so many beans, queen?
- Elton John: Because they are a musical fruit. And so am I.
- Drew Barrymore: I once drank a case of whiskey with George C. Scott and Faye Dunaway. I was nine years old.
- Peter O'Toole: Bravo! Drunk at nine!