Zachary Levi credited as playing...
Chuck Bartowski
- [under the influence of a truth serum]
- Chuck Bartowski: [looks at Sarah] God, you're so pretty!
- [looks at Casey]
- Chuck Bartowski: ... and Casey, your jaw was chiseled by Michelangelo himself.
- John Casey: Thank you.
- Sylvia Arculin: Charles, I didn't expect you to come so quickly.
- Chuck Bartowski: Charles Carmichael *always* comes quickly.
- [awkward pause]
- Chuck Bartowski: [seeing General Beckman on the TV] Wow, that new high-def screen sure shows every wrinkle.
- John Casey: They can hear you.
- Chuck Bartowski: What? Twinkle! Every twinkle... in her eye... eyes...
- Chuck Bartowski: [Sarah kisses Chuck] Is that a - real kiss, or a cover kiss? Cause I'm confused right now.
- Sarah Walker: It's a "we have an international security emergency and I need to speak to you privately" kiss.
- Chuck Bartowski: See? I knew I felt something.
- Sarah Walker: Okay, fine, I'll answer one question about my past. You've earned that much.
- Chuck Bartowski: ...No thanks. I don't need to know more about who you were. 'Cause as much as you don't think so, I know who you are: a girl I'd like to share a cheeseburger with. Should I get a knife? I'll get a knife.
- Sarah Walker: That won't be necessary.
- [Sarah rolls up one of her pant legs, pulls out a knife and gives it to Chuck]
- Chuck Bartowski: That's... awesome! And a little disturbing.
- Jeff Barnes: Does it shock you that 80 percent of my encounters with women have been without their knowledge?
- Chuck Bartowski: Honestly, I'm more surprised by the other 20 percent.
- Chuck Bartowski: Well, it may not be the steamiest, but we probably have the strangest relationship in Los Angeles.
- Sarah Walker: Doubt that. Morgan's still dating, right?
- Chuck Bartowski: Good point.
- General Diane Beckman: I wanted a private word with you. Pardon the intrusion.
- Chuck Bartowski: On this moment or my life in general?
- Chuck Bartowski: You belong out there. Save the world. I'm just - I'm just not that guy.
- Sarah Walker: How many times do you have to be a hero to realize that you *are* that guy?
- Chuck Bartowski: I'm just too trusting. Ever since I was a kid, I really wanted to believe what everyone else told me, you know? I'm just getting used to this new job, with the spying and lying.
- Sarah Walker: Don't get used to it. What makes you special is that you're not like every other spy. You're a good guy and you want to help people. Leave the deception to me.
- Chuck Bartowski: Excuse me. I'm sorry, General. But who in my life *isn't* a spy? My sister? My best friend? Should I just start asking people when I first meet them, "Hi I'd like the extra value meal, and while we're on the topic, do you covertly work for a government faction?"
- Sarah Walker: What about me?
- Chuck Bartowski: [chuckles] You're really going to make me say it.
- [Sarah smiles]
- Chuck Bartowski: Wow, okay. Fine. All right we'll play it your way... A girl like you, or more appropriately, a *woman* like you. Considering the fact that you could probably kick the ass of everyone in this joint. And a smart one too. Not to mention, cool... and extremely beautiful. And - and - you can stop me any time with the compliments if they're becoming... you know...
- Sarah Walker: No, that's very... sweet.
- Chuck Bartowski: "Sweet?" Golly gee, thanks for making me feel like I'm 8.
- Sarah Walker: [slight chuckle] You're not so bad yourself.
- Chuck Bartowski: [sarcastically] Please. I'm fantastic.
- Sarah Walker: [seriously] Yeah. You are.
- Chuck Bartowski: Look, what if I surrender and you run. I mean I'm going into a cell anyway. What's the difference?
- Sarah Walker: Torture.
- Chuck Bartowski: Okay, no surrender.
- Chuck Bartowski: The guy is a total loser, all right. Absolute bottom feeding scum of the Earth. Have I mentioned considerably *older* man!
- Jack Burton: [from behind] All true, but I'm a hell of a dancer.
- Sarah Walker: Chuck, I'd like you to meet my *dad*, Jack Burton. Dad, this is my boyfriend, Chuck.
- Chuck Bartowski: [clears throat] A real pleasure, sir.
- Chuck Bartowski: You want to go on a date with me some time? I mean a date without aliases, and spy gear, and no mission.
- Sarah Walker: Like a *real* date?
- Chuck Bartowski: Yeah.
- Sarah Walker: Chuck,
- [clears throat checks to make sure no one is listening]
- Sarah Walker: I'm still a CIA agent. And there are a hundred reasons why I shouldn't do that.
- Chuck Bartowski: What do you have to lose? In a week, you're going to be undercover somewhere in some place like Jakarta, in a knife fight with some evil doer and in that exact moment you're going to wish you would have spent one night of fun with me.
- Sarah Walker: ...Okay.
- Chuck Bartowski: Look something's wrong with me. I don't know what, but something is very, very wrong with me. I'm remembering things I shouldn't know.
- Sarah Walker: Talk to me, Chuck, like what?
- Chuck Bartowski: I don't know, I don't know... Like there was a Serbian demolitions expert at the Large Mart today. don't you think that's a little odd?
- Chuck Bartowski: [mimicking Casey's voice] Well thanks for saving my life today, Chuck.
- Chuck Bartowski: Any time, Casey. Yeah, you know what you're my friend.
- Chuck Bartowski: [mimicking Casey's voice] Yeah you're my friend too.
- Chuck Bartowski: That's really kind of you, Casey. Have a good night.
- John Casey: [seriously] Thank you.
- [closes door]
- Chuck Bartowski: But it's - it's Christmas. Look, I'm not buying the whole Scrooge act. Underneath that spy cover is a regular person, just like the rest of us. I mean, honestly, how weird could Christmas have been for you?
- Sarah Walker: Christmas at the Burton household meant the annual Salvation Army con job.
- Chuck Bartowski: Okay, you're a little different than the rest of us.