- Dr. Bob Kelso: Dr Reid, I thought I would just stop in and say goodbye.
- Dr. Elliot Reid: Why? I'll still be working here.
- Dr. Bob Kelso: Yes, but you won't be working for Sacred Heart, the place that spent a fortune training you, only to have you take off for greener pastures. You're like a prostitute that gets paid up-front and then bolts from the restaurants after dinner. It's about common courtesy, Reid... whether to your boss or to a kind-hearted John who's given you a lot of business over the years. So goodbye, Miss Mei Ling of Gentle Oriental Escorts, and goodbye, Dr Reid: I won't be speaking to either of you ever again.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Hey I got you something. It's a star. You can get them of this website and I named it after you.
- Dr. Kim Briggs: That so sweet.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Unfortunately "Kim" was taken, so I tried "Kim" with 2 m's , "Kim" with 3 m's, "Kim1", "Kim2"...
- Dr. Kim Briggs: Well, what's it called?
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: FreckleFart90.
- Dr. Kim Briggs: Aww. For the freckle on my ass, my lactose intolerance and the fact that I graduated high school in 1990.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Yes.
- [Voice over]
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: That was so lucky.
- Dr. Perry Cox: All right, who can tell me anything about Mr. Pierce?
- Keith: He uses oil heaters at his house in New Hampshire.
- Dr. Perry Cox: That answer was either very sarcastic or very stupid. Either way I'm whacking you with my clipboard. Brace yourself.
- Keith: Wait. He's hypoxic, with a clear chest x-ray, which can be a sign of carbon monoxide poisoning. I learned that watching House.
- Lisa: House is a genius.
- Dr. Perry Cox: That's it, I'm whacking both of you.
- Dr. Bob Kelso: I wanted to give you your paycheck in person so you can hand it back to me to pay your bill.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Why don't you just hold onto that, sir?
- Dr. Bob Kelso: That's not how it works. Now, I'm going to hand it to you and I want you to look at it, sigh, and give it back to me.
- [Turk holds the paycheck, sighs, and gives it back to Kelso]
- Dr. Bob Kelso: Splendid! Nurse Espinosa, mi hospital es su hospital.
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: No problemo, chief-o...
- Dr. Perry Cox: OK, we have a 41-year-old male who is as orange as an NBA game ball. Who can tell me why?
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: I got an idea.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Yeah, I got an idea too. If you want to work, let's stop paying for the room, so you can go home; then you can come back and get paid to work.
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: Turk, I just need a break from the baby. Mr Mehleison might be a vegetarian; he's always eating carrots.
- Dr. Perry Cox: But carotene, like jaundice, turns you yellow, just like certain blood disorders turn you blue and tomatoes can turn you red. Sadly, there isn't anything on God's green Earth that turns you orange.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Maybe he got freaky with some Cheetos.
- Dr. Perry Cox: Swing and a miss, Webster. Next.
- Keith: Maybe he used some fake tan cream. I used it once... turned me orange all over...
- Dr. Perry Cox: There were no foreign substances found on his skin, but kudos, Keith, on finally outing yourself.
- Dr. Kim Briggs: Still I'd only be gone 4 months, and you don't wanna be around me when I'm pregnant. All the women in my family go psycho.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Yeah but...
- Dr. Kim Briggs: I wasn't finished!
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [She shoves JD against the wall, leaving him with a bloody nose] You know, I'm back, I'm back. It's perfectly fine, I just hit the wall.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Baby, so after I take this kid back to the nursery, I was thinking maybe we could pack up you and Isabella and head home?
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: Turk, I can't handle going home right now.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: This place is really expensive, honey. I don't know if you noticed but the ice-packs you've been putting on your hooey, run about 42 bucks a pop.
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: My body's a disaster zone right now, but it will get better. So if you want to get near it ever again, I would stop talking about money.
- Dr. Perry Cox: Look, I know you all curl up on your futons at night dreaming of cracking a real life medical mystery so that some doctor/supermodel will want to touch your eruption button. But, here's the bad news: This isn't a TV show, there aren't any cameras over here, real medical mysteries don't happen every week, and doctors damn sure don't look like models. They look like Rex.
- Rex: [Everyone looks at Rex and his muttonchops] What?
- Dr. Perry Cox: Chin up, you ugly bastard. So if you wanna solve a real mystery, go ahead and figure out who's taking my New York Times every Sunday. Or better yet... how about why anybody on the planet actually thinks Dane Cook is funny? As far as Mr. Pierce goes, he has your run-of-the-mill pulmonary embolism. And I know, I know... it is a boring medical diagnosis. But that's what hospitals are: Boring.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Dr Cox, I need your help.
- Dr. Perry Cox: Make it quick. I gotta be somewhere.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Where?
- Dr. Perry Cox: Anywhere you and I aren't talking.