- Liz Lemon: We need to fire Lutz.
- Pete Hornberger: What? Why? What happened?
- Liz Lemon: He called me the worst name ever.
- Frank Rossitano: What did he call you?
- Liz Lemon: I'm not gonna repeat it. That's how much I hate it.
- Pete Hornberger: Fat can?
- Liz Lemon: No.
- Frank Rossitano: Mouth hooker?
- Liz Lemon: No.
- Frank Rossitano: Monster bitch.
- Pete Hornberger: Hatchet face.
- Liz Lemon: No!
- Jack Donaghy: You know, Ted, Kenneth here is one of our more promising young pages. He knows everything there is to know about the business.
- Kenneth Parcell: I studied TV theory at Kentucky Mountain Bible College.
- Tracy Jordan: I don't have a daughter.
- Jack Donaghy: [puts his arm around Tracy] Let's have casting session on Monday.
- Liz Lemon: [bursts into Jack's office] Oh, hey - false alarm! It turns out she *asked* him to take it out.
- Kenneth Parcell: I just don't want to disgrace the peacock.
- Pete Hornberger: Oh, Kenneth. If you're worried about disgracing the National Broadcasting Company, you're too late.
- Jack Donaghy: Liz, all the VPs will be angling to golf with Don Geiss, but my partner will be Tracy Jordan, his grandchildren's favorite movie star. Geiss will absolutely choose us, and that's a big deal because being in a foursome with this man can change your life.
- Liz Lemon: You might want to rephrase that.
- Kenneth Parcell: Hello, gentlemen. Welcome to the 9th Annual Cure Diabetes Now Golf Tournament.
- Jack Donaghy: Has Don Geiss arrived yet?
- Kenneth Parcell: No, sir, but if you'd like, we could work out a signal so I could let you know when he does arrive, like...
- [coos like a bird]
- Jack Donaghy: That won't be necessary.
- Kenneth Parcell: [quietly] I'll probably just do it anyway.
- [Liz comes upon Greta's box of kittens]
- Liz Lemon: [excitedly] Look at these guys!
- Greta Johanssen: Yeah, they like you! They're very good at sensing debilitating loneliness in a person.
- Pete Hornberger: You're just in reaction right now. You need to just take a few hours and calm down.
- Liz Lemon: Don't tell me to calm down, you fungdark.
- Pete Hornberger: Yeah, you're right; it doesn't work.
- Pete Hornberger: Oh, I get it. You're trying to be nice now 'cause of what Lutz said.
- Liz Lemon: No, I'm not trying to be nice. I *am* nice. I'm a nice person, you bald, gangly -
- [clears throat]
- Liz Lemon: [pleasantly] I'm gonna try harder. I'm gonna try to be nice.
- [Toofer's cell phone rings]
- Toofer: Oh, oh, I'm so sorry, Liz; I'm so sorry. I thought I turned it off.
- Liz Lemon: No, Toofer, take the call. Come on; this isn't Hitler's bunker. That would make me Hitler!
- [everyone looks]
- Liz Lemon: What? This is the new me. Do you like the new me? And before you answer, Super Balls!
- Don Geiss: Jack, you handsome son of a gun! This guy gets younger every time I see him!
- Jack Donaghy: No, you're the one.
- Don Geiss: Oh, hair like a Viking! God bless you!
- Jack Donaghy: Tomorrow I'm gonna be in an intense six-hour foursome with three other men, and one of them will be Don Geiss, and he's gonna get all my attention, and you're just gonna sit back and watch.
- [across the room, Kenneth coos like a bird]
- Tracy Jordan: [knocks on Jack's door]
- Jack Donaghy: Come on in, Tracy.
- Tracy Jordan: Yo, is this about that little redheaded intern? 'Cause she *asked* me to take it out.
- [discussing the word Lutz called Liz]
- Pete Hornberger: Well, you know, he was probably just blowing off steam. You can't fire a guy for cursing.
- Liz Lemon: No, I - I'm not upset by cursing. I *love* cursing. I love it! But this word is not acceptable - no - because there's nothing you can call a guy back. There is no male equivalent to this word.
- Pete Hornberger: Well, why don't we come up with one, and then you can call him that? Like, um, "muncus."
- Frank Rossitano: "Fungdark."
- [discussing the word Lutz called Liz]
- Liz Lemon: The one that rhymes with the name of your favorite Todd Rundgren album.
- Frank Rossitano: It rhymes with "Hermit of Mink Hollow"?
- Liz Lemon: No!
- Pete Hornberger: Oh! Oh, boy.
- Liz Lemon: [after flashbacks] Oh, my God, I am! I'm a total...
- Greta Johanssen: Runt! Runt! I lost my kitten. Has anyone seen my runt?
- Don Geiss: Thank you so much for being here and supporting diabetes research.
- Tracy Jordan: Hey, I feel you. Messed-up sugar runs in my family, too.
- Kenneth Parcell: Grace there is something that I must say to you, but my words cannot suffice, so to quote mister Jerry Maguire, you make me a complete person.
- Grace: When you said hello, you had me.
- Pete Hornberger: Okay, the van to take you up to Connecticut will be leaving at noon, and once you get up to the golf course you're be working in pairs... Okay, have fun; don't get drunk.
- Tracy Jordan: You know the army be messin' with the sun! That's why I keep my junk covered! Once that stuff get in your hang, you're done!