- Dr. Perry Cox: Poor kid. His head's blown off... and all for nothing.
- Nurse Laverne Roberts: All for nothing? My nephew Lance is over there fighting to give those people democracy.
- Dr. Perry Cox: Oh, so that's why we're over there! And here I thought it was to root out terrorists... or was it for oil? Or for Mama Hussein's secret falafel recipe? Ah, it's so gosh darn hard to keep truck...
- J.D.: Hey, Dr. Kelso.
- [gives him a pat on the back]
- Dr. Kelso: [thinking] I actually don't mind that goofy bastard. If he were gay, he'd be perfect for my son. Harrison has been looking for a new power bottom. All my little worker bees, buzzing about... buzzzz... buzzz... I love making that sound... buzzz. Dr. Reid. Ever since she quit the hospital for private practice, you pretended she's invisible. So don't break stride.
- [walks straight past Elliot, bumping her on the shoulder deliberately and making all her files scatter across the floor]
- Dr. Kelso: KERBLAMO!
- Elliot: HEY!
- Dr. Kelso: Skiddle-ee-dee, skiddle-ee-doo.
- Janitor: Typical Dorian. Runnin' away from an argument you know nothing about.
- J.D.: I know all about the war.
- Janitor: Really.
- [pulls out a globe]
- Janitor: Point to Iraq.
- J.D.: Why do you keep a globe on your janitor cart?
- Janitor: In case I get lost. I'll give you a hint, it's not the country shaped like a boot.
- J.D.: [points to the globe] That's Iraq.
- Janitor: That's China.
- J.D.: You're China!
- Janitor: That's an outrageous accusation.
- [bites into his sandwich]
- Janitor: Needs salt. Where's my bunny? Bingo?
- J.D.: [thinking about Dr. Kelso] I always wondered what he did in his office all day.
- [flash to fantasy of Kelso in his office with Ted]
- Dr. Kelso: Human Magic 8-Ball, tell me if I should play golf this weekend?
- [He shakes Ted's head like a Magic 8-ball]
- Ted Buckland: I am a lawyer!
- Dr. Kelso: I said, should I play golf?
- [Kelso shakes Ted's head again]
- Ted Buckland: Ask again later!... Why would I say that?
- [Kelso shakes his head again]
- Ted Buckland: [flash back to J.D]
- J.D.: [thinking] My daydreams are crazy!
- Ted Buckland: Oh, dizzy!
- [he collapses against a rack of medical supplies, knocking it over]
- Dr. Kelso: Listen up, faces. In order to save us all some time, I will call all the males "Daves" and all the females "Debbies".
- Debbie: Debbie is actually my name.
- Dr. Kelso: Then, out of fairness to the others, you will be Slagathor. Daves, Debbies, Slagathor: I will be in my office. If you need anything, feel free to bother Dorian.
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: So you think it's okay to just kill animals for sport?
- Janitor: If it serves a useful purpose, yes I do.
- [produces stuffed rabbit]
- Janitor: Salt?
- [shakes salt from its ear]
- Janitor: Cracked black pepper?
- [twists its head to produce pepper]
- Janitor: Thank you, Bingo.
- [makes rabbit noise]
- Elliot: Oh, you liberals are right, and every American agrees with you, that's why John Kerry and Al Gore both won in landslides!
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Oh, my God!... Elliot, you're one of them, aren't you?
- [everyone in the cafeteria stands still, looking at Elliot]
- Elliot: You know what? I don't need to be ashamed of this any more...
- [stands up]
- Elliot: Yes, I'm a Republican!
- Nurse: Me too!
- Dr. Mickhead: Me too!
- Keith: Elliot! Me too!