- Announcer: Boy George Without Make-Up will not be shown at this time. In its place we present something even more frightening.
- Christine McGlade: [improvising a spell on Ross] Tongue of dog, wing of bat, toe of frog, tail of rat. Sure as kids like a video arcade, it's gonna rain on your parade.
- Alasdair Gillis: Hey, Christine, are you really a witch?
- Christine McGlade: No, not really.
- Lisa Ruddy: No, but you do look pretty bad in the morning sometimes, though.
- [Trick-or-treating at the door of an adult flower child nets the kids alfalfa sprouts, green noodles, wheat germ and kelp as treats]
- Alasdair Gillis: [looking down at his green noodles] What kind a treat is this?
- Health Nut: Well, it's all natural. Like, I'm not gonna give you candy and stuff to rot your teeth. This is GOOD for you. It builds fiber. It'll make ya regular. Bye.
- Alasdair Gillis: [stuck in detention] Do you believe that on Halloween night ghosts and demons roam the streets?
- Principal: Oh, ho-ho, no, of course not, Alasdair. That's just superstitious, childish nonsense.
- Alasdair Gillis: So, there are no ghosts or demons out there?
- Principal: No ghosts, no demons.
- Alasdair Gillis: So, if I go out there, I won't get haunted or chased or a bad curse put on me?
- Principal: You'll be quite safe.
- Alasdair Gillis: Oh, I believe you, sir. So, it's okay for me to go right out there?
- Principal: That's right. Absolutely. No harm will come to you. Come on. 'Way you go.
- Alasdair Gillis: Thank you, sir.
- Principal: That-a-boy.
- Alasdair Gillis: [leaving the room] Thank you very much. Trick-or-treating here I come.
- Principal: [slowly realizing he's been tricked] Um... Wait. D'uh...
- Alasdair Gillis: How about coming around to my house for Halloween?
- Mike Cameron: Oh, sure. You having a party?
- Alasdair Gillis: Well, no. You see, I just got kinda tired of carving a jack-o-lantern each year, so I decided that I could just stick you in the window with a candle in your mouth.
- Doug Ptolemy: Boy, are we ever getting nasty around here.
- [the boys, dressed in identical business suits and ties, ring the doorbell of a house]
- Doug Ptolemy, Mike Cameron, Alasdair Gillis: [together, as the door opens] TRICK-OR-TREAT! TRICK-OR-TREAT!
- Homeowner: Ha-ha-ha, Happy Halloween. Wait a minute. This is Halloween. How come you guys aren't dressed up to SCARE people?
- Doug Ptolemy: We ARE dressed up to scare people. I'm Ted, and I'm an insurance salesman.
- Homeowner: What?
- Mike Cameron: Yeah, and I'm Larry, and I'm a politician.
- Homeowner: Oh, no.
- Alasdair Gillis: And I, sir, am Brit, and I'm a tax auditor.
- Homeowner: AHHHHHHHH!
- [Horrified, the homeowner flees into the safety of his house, spilling all his candy in his haste, which the delighted boys scoop up]
- [the kids excitedly check through their candy haul for Halloween when Lance enters, apparently having been out trick-or-treating himself]
- Alasdair Gillis: Hey, Dad, how d'YOU do? I mean, we really cleaned up, right guys?
- Mike Cameron: Yeah.
- Doug Ptolemy: Yeah.
- Lance Prevort: Hey, listen, kids. I did real good.
- [Lance pulls out one six-pack after another from his bag]
- Mike Cameron: But, Dad?
- Lance Prevort: Uh-huh?
- Mike Cameron: You didn't get any CANDY. All you got is BEER.
- Lance Prevort: Well, you trick-or-treat YOUR way and I'll trick-or-treat MY way.
- Nasti: [entering sing-songy with a huge sack] It's Halloween! Here I come! Trick or treat!
- Alasdair Gillis: [shackled against the dungeon wall] You sure are greedy. That's the biggest bag I've ever seen in my life.
- Nasti: Oh, vell, it has to be.
- Alasdair Gillis: Do you really except that you're gonna get that much candy?
- Nasti: Oh, no-no-no, but three or four kids might fit in here very nicely.
- Alasdair Gillis: Well, I could do with the company anyway.
- Nasti: [tapping the shackled human skeleton nearby] You know, that's what Hodgkins used to say.
- Doug Ptolemy: Do you like Halloween, Blip?
- Blip: Halloween? No, no, it's the most frightening night of the year.
- Doug Ptolemy: Yeah, some of those costumes are pretty wild.
- Blip: No-no, not the costumes.
- Doug Ptolemy: Ohhhh, you mean all those ghosts and goblins that're around?
- Blip: No, not all those ghosts and goblins. I mean you kids out there trickin' and treatin' when you should be in here spending your money - that's what scares ME.
- Lance Prevort: Dougie, are you all ready? Have you got soap for soapin' windows?
- Doug Ptolemy: Yeah, I got soap, right there.
- Lance Prevort: All right, and, uh, chalk. You gotta chalk obscenities on the sidewalk?
- Doug Ptolemy: Yup.
- Lance Prevort: Ah, let's see. Eggs. Uh, you got eggs?
- Doug Ptolemy: Yeah, I got lots of eggs. Mom gave me some - very smelly.
- Lance Prevort: Really rotten eggs - that's perfect. Oh, and, uh, paint?
- Doug Ptolemy: Yeah, I got it right here.
- Lance Prevort: Ah, Dougie, I guess you are all ready. Away you go. Hm-hm.
- Doug Ptolemy: But, Dad, all I wanna do is get out there and collect some candy.
- Lance Prevort: Listen! What was good enough for me when I was a kid is good enough for you. Now, get out there and vandalize!
- Alasdair Gillis: [giddy] I just wish I could've seen old Barthy's face when he found all that garbage outside his front door.
- Mike Cameron: That was so funny.
- [the kids go quiet as Barth comes near]
- Barth Baggs: Dyah, hello.
- Alasdair Gillis, Mike Cameron, Doug Ptolemy, Lisa Ruddy: [altogether and sing-songy, like in a classroom] Hi, Mr. Barfy.
- Barth Baggs: You know, it appears that, uh, last night, uh, d'yah bunch of kids thought it was dyah cute little idea to dump a whole bunch o' garbage on my front doorstep. Uh, dyah, just a Halloween prank. I suppose that you wouldn't know anything about that, then?
- Alasdair Gillis, Mike Cameron, Doug Ptolemy, Lisa Ruddy: [overlapping denials] No. Not me.
- Barth Baggs: Well, no-no, it, uh, doesn't matter. I was... I just wanted to, uh, thank them. Mm.
- Alasdair Gillis: Whadda you mean?
- Barth Baggs: Well, you see, I took all that garbage and I put it in the blender and...
- Barth Baggs: [sing-songy] ... whadda ya think's in the burgers?
- Snake-Eyes: Hey, hey, you kids, I guess you thought it was purdy funny puttin' sugar in my gas tank on Halloween.
- Alasdair Gillis, Christine McGlade: [tittering] Who, us?
- Snake-Eyes: Well, revenge is sweet, ya know.
- Lisa Ruddy: [complacently] Whadda you mean?
- Snake-Eyes: I'm gonna take you to a place that's so scary you'll never pull a prank like that again.
- Alasdair Gillis: Oh, I know, guys. It's probably the swamp, but don't worry, Snake-Eyes, that's not gonna scare us a bit.
- Snake-Eyes: Wrong! It's scarier than that.
- Christine McGlade: I know. I-i-it's gotta be the cemetery at night.
- Alasdair Gillis: Right.
- Christine McGlade: I mean, it might be a little frightening, but I'm sure we can handle it.
- Alasdair Gillis, Lisa Ruddy: Ha-ha-ha.
- Snake-Eyes: Wrong, candy-breath.
- Lisa Ruddy: [now concerned] Where are you taking us, Snake-Eyes?
- Snake-Eyes: To the dentist's office. He'll have a field day with you kids with ya eatin' all that candy, ha-ha-ha.