- Roy: [looking at a promotional poster] A gay musical... called "Gay". That's quite gay. Gay musical... Aren't all musicals gay? This must be, like, the gayest musical ever made.
- Roy: [talking about Philip] It's just, I don't know many heterosexual men who read Heat.
- Jen: So, what? He's gay? Just because he reads Heat magazine?
- Roy: Hmmm, well, he's either gay or a woman in her early twenties.
- Jen: No, no no no no no no. Why else would he ask me out on a date?
- Roy: Are you sure he meant it as a date-date? Are you sure you're not going along as his 'gal pal'?
- Moss: If you're talking about who I think you're talking about, then the answer is yes. He is gay.
- Jen: How do you know?
- Moss: Oh, everyone knows. And what's more, he's been gay since WHAM.
- Philip: You like the theatre?
- Moss: Never been. But I've always liked the idea of the theatre. The smell of the grease, the roar of the paint. I've often thought if I hadn't ended up in computers, I would've gone into the theatre.
- Philip: But you've never been to see a play?
- Moss: No.
- Philip: Why not?
- Moss: [shrugs] Never had the interest.
- Jen: Oh for God's sake, are you gay? Are you a gay man?
- Philip: No!
- Jen: Are you?
- Philip: No!
- Jen: No, brilliant, good. That's all I wanted to know. I don't mind one way or the other, you know, I just like being clear. I don't want any ambiguity.
- Philip: What on earth made you think I was gay?
- Jen: Well, you know, I can just pull it out of the air. You know, you just brought me to a gay musical, called 'Gay'. You're laughing like mad at every gay reference. Your friends... ALL of whom are gay say hello by tickling you.
- Philip: Jen, what century are you living in? Do you think a man has to be gay to like a gay musical? Can a straight man not have homosexual friends? And since when was tickling gay? I missed that meeting. Jen, Jen, come here
- [hugs her]
- Jen: I'm sorry, I guess you just threw me when you borrowed our copy of Heat.
- Philip: [bursts into tears] Oh God, it's true! It's true, I'm gay! I'm a gay man. I tried to hide from it and deny it, but I can't, I can't, I can't. Oh Jen, what am I gonna do? I thought I could make it work between us coz you looked a bit like a man!
- Richmond: An ill wind is blowing. Last night I was stirred from my slumber by a crow calling three times. Caw... caw... well you know what a crow sounds like. Passing to my window, I trod on a piece of lego. Oh, it went right in the heel. Turning on my television set, I noticed the reception wasn't great. Not terrible, just not great. Hear me well, no good can come of your trip to the theatre tonight, no good at all. And if you ask me...
- [turns around and notices that everybody's gone]
- Richmond: That's just bloody rude. Where's my Heat?