- Patrick: 24.
- [SpongeBob and Patrick giggle]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [giggling] Hey Patrick, I just thought of something funnier than 24.
- Patrick: Let me hear it.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: 25.
- [both burst out laughing]
- Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: [a Jaws-like theme plays in the soundtrack] SpongeBob, reel it in, quick! Can't you hear the music? That's a 4/4 string ostinato in D-minor! Every sailor knows it means death!
- Patrick: Where is everybody?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: I don't know. Home, probably. Class doesn't start until nine.
- Patrick: [Looks at watch] 6:20? But I thought you said you were late.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Late for being early.
- Patrick: Hey! When did I start wearing a watch?
- Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Congratulations, sir! You have just given me my one-millionth dollar!
- Sandals: Great. What do I win?
- Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Nothing. Now get out.
- Sandals: What?
- Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Get out! Everybody get out! You're spoiling me moment!
- Mrs. Poppy Puff: What's going on here? Well?
- Patrick: SpongeBob and I were fighting.
- Mrs. Poppy Puff: [gasp] Fighting? Well, I can't believe I'm saying this, but, SpongeBob Squarepants, I here by sentence you and your friend... to detention!
- SpongeBob: [gasp] Detention?
- Mrs. Poppy Puff: May Neptune have mercy on your soul!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [Mr. Krabs rubs his latest dollar all over his body while celebrating] What's wrong with Mr. Krabs?
- Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Nothing lad, do you know what this is?
- [shows them the dollar]
- Squidward Tentacles: A very dirty dollar?
- Mr. Krabs: [after being given what is assumed to be his millionth dollar] Wait a minute. This isn't me millionth dollar.
- [SpongeBob and Squidward look at each other in confusion]
- Mr. Krabs: This is an ordinary dollar that's been crumpled up, torn slightly, soaked in the lagoon and kissed with Coral Blue #2 Semigloss lipstick.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [applying the lipstick on] Actually, it's Coral Blue Number...
- [Squidward bonks him on the head]
- [SpongeBob and Squidward have just tried to escape Mr. Krabs' boat by jumping into a lifeboat, except Krabs himself is there]
- Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: So you thought you'd skip out on old Krabs, did ya? Even after you promised to help me. I know what you're thinking.
- [insane look on his face]
- Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: "It's just a dumb old dollar. Let's just leave the old man, he won't notice."
- [sobs]
- Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Well, it's not going down like that. There's only one use for a backstabbing crew like you:
- [Scene cuts to Mr. Krabs hanging his line over the boat. SpongeBob and Squidward are attached to the line]
- Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: live bait!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Behold, Patrick, the hallway of learning. And here's the fountain of learning. And these are the lockers of learning.
- Patrick: And these are the stairs of learning, right?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: No, they're just the stairs. *These* are the stairs of learning.
- Patrick: Hi, SpongeBob. Wanna go jellyfishing?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Sorry, Patrick, I can't. I have school today.
- Patrick: But what am I supposed to do all day while you're gone?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: I don't know. What do you usually do all day?
- Patrick: [crying] Wait for you to get back.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey, Squidward. You want me to cast out over here so you can watch me?
- Squidward Tentacles: How about you cast out over there so I can ignore you?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Poor Mr. Krabs, gone forever out of our lives forever.
- [crying]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Why couldn't it have been me?
- Squidward Tentacles: [also crying] Yes! Why couldn't it have been you?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Why did he have to go like this? Why?
- Squidward Tentacles: Why did he have to go like this and leave me tied to this idiot?
- [They both bawl]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: I hate you, Patrick.
- Patrick: I hate you more.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: I hate you no matter what.
- Patrick: I'd hate you even if I didn't hate you.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: I'd hate you even if that made sense.
- Patrick: I'd hate you even if you were me. That's how much I hate you.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: The ligthbulb! Without its warmth Roger will die!
- Patrick: Roger! Without him the lightbulb will have nothing to warm!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [the lightbulb flies through the air] The lightbulb! Without its warmth Roger will die!
- Patrick: [Roger's egg flies through the air] Roger! Without him the lightbulb will have nothing to warm!
- Squidward Tentacles: A sandwich? You expect me to break my back over a sandwich?
- Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Not a sandwich.
- [He dumps sandwiches overboard]
- Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: *The* sandwich.
- Squidward Tentacles: Whatever. We've got plenty more to...
- [Mr. Krabs dumps the entire refrigerator overboard]
- Squidward Tentacles: ... Eat.
- SpongeBob: In one day, I've gone from Good Noodle to Bad Egg! It's all Stupid Patrick's fault. I hate you, Patrick.
- Patrick: I hate you more.
- SpongeBob: I'd hate you no matter what!
- Patrick: Yeah? Well, I'd hate you even if I didn't hate you!
- SpongeBob: I'd hate you even if that made sense!
- Patrick: I'd hate you even if you were me! That's how much I hate you!
- SpongeBob: I'd hate you, even if, uhh... Um, I'd hate you even if the light bulb keeping Roger alive went out!
- [Suddenly, Roger's lightbulb stops working]
- SpongeBob: Huh?
- [Both begin to shiver in fright as they try to ignore each other but get more and more worried as they see Roger start to freeze; SpongeBob begins to cry]
- SpongeBob: I'm sorry I called you a stupid star!
- Patrick: [also crying] I'm sorry I got you in trouble and got you moved to the back of the class and got your Good Noodle Star removed and shot the spitballs...
- SpongeBob: I'm sorry your apology is so long!
- Patrick: Me too! Let's save Roger!
- SpongeBob: [while Mrs. Puff is writing the lesson] Hey Patrick I just thought of something funnier than 24
- Patrick: Let me hear it.
- SpongeBob: Twenty Five.
- [the two of them start laughing like crazy which infuriates Mrs. Puff]
- Mrs. Poppy Puff: That's Enough!
- [to Patrick angrily]
- Mrs. Poppy Puff: Young man this is your first day so I'm going to let you off with a warning.
- [to SpongeBob]
- Mrs. Poppy Puff: As for you SpongeBob I expect more from a good noodle. Pay Attention!
- SpongeBob: Sorry Mrs. Puff.
- Mrs. Poppy Puff: Now then turning when you are turning it is important for the driver to signal at least..
- [Patrick gives SpongeBob an envelope to which he opens and inside Patrick drew a bad picture of Mrs. Puff describing her as a "Big Fat Meany"]
- SpongeBob: [scoffs] Big Fat Meany
- [disgusted]
- SpongeBob: Patrick you can't do that she's the teacher!
- Mrs. Poppy Puff: What about the teacher?
- [takes the drawing away from SpongeBob and looks at it then becomes very furious thinking SpongeBob drew it and she turns in the picture]
- Mrs. Poppy Puff: As if I really look like this!
- [takes the picture and puts it in a drawer along with many other bad pictures]
- Mrs. Poppy Puff: SpongeBob I believe you know what the punishment is for two classroom disruptions!
- [pulls out a small shovel]
- SpongeBob: [realizing he is going to have one of his gold stars removed] Ahhh No!
- Mrs. Poppy Puff: I'm sorry SpongeBob, but if one wishes to be a good noodle. One must first behave like a good noodle.
- SpongeBob: [sobbing] I'm a good noodle! I'm a good noodle!
- Mrs. Poppy Puff: You can get this star back when you've earned it.
- SpongeBob: [sobbing] Ohhh Noooo!
- [starts throwing a fit as we see the star getting slowly removed]
- SpongeBob: No no no no no no no no!
- [Mrs. Puff finally removes the star and SpongeBob faints]
- Patrick: Mrs. Puff is it nap time?
- Mrs. Poppy Puff: [walks straight up to him] SpongeBob I have had enough of your disruptive behavior! Now collect you items and move to the designated seat in the back of the classroom!
- SpongeBob: The back! But why?
- Mrs. Poppy Puff: Because the Big Fat Meany said so. NOW GO!
- SpongeBob: [angrily to Patrick] Thanks a lot Patrick.
- Patrick: No problem Buddy.
- Squidward Tentacles: Where are we going? Bikini Bottom Palm Springs?
- [Squidward fantasizes being in a pool]
- Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: No.
- Squidward Tentacles: Pamper Island?
- [Fantasizes being on a beach]
- Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Try again.
- Squidward Tentacles: Oh, oh, oh! Bikini Bottom Folk Village?
- [Fantasizes wearing 18th century clothes and a powdered wig]
- Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Better than that.
- Squidward Tentacles: [Everyone is on a cheap-looking boat] Clam fishing? This is the reward we get for our hard work? Fishing for stinky clams in a smelly old boat on a filthy lagoon?