The Simpsons (TV Series)
Bart vs. Australia (1995)
Nancy Cartwright: Bart Simpson
Photos
Quotes
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Bart Simpson : I can't get a straight answer out of this crazy hemisphere.
[tries another number]
Hitler : [as his car-phone's ringing] Eine minuten, eine minuten!
[ringing stops]
Hitler : Ach! Das wagen phone ist ein... nuisance phone!
Man on Pennyfarthing : Buenos notches, mein fuehrer.
Hitler : Ja, ja.
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[Bart is showing Lisa his pocket knife]
Australian with Spoon : You call that a knife?
[the man pulls out a spoon]
Australian with Spoon : *This* is a knife.
Bart : [confused] That's not a knife, that's a spoon.
Australian with Spoon : Alright, alright you win. I see you've played knifey-spoony before.
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[the Prime Minister draws back his foot to "boot" Bart through the Embassy gate]
Prime Minister : This is for the Commonwealth of Australia!
[as he kicks out, Bart jumps out of range]
Bart : And this is for the United States of America!
[He drops his pants, showing "DON'T TREAD ON ME" written on his butt. He moons the enraged Australian crowd, humming "The Star Spangled Banner."]
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U.S. Ambassador : Good news, we've worked out a compromise that will allow both nations to save face.
Conover : We've argued them down to... a booting.
U.S. Ambassador : The Prime Minister just wants to kick Bart once, through the gate, with a regular shoe.
Conover : I believe it's a wing tip.
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Bruno Dundridge : Hey, you're just some punk kid, aren't you? Well, you picked the wrong guy to tangle with, mate!
Bart : [laughs] I don't think so. You're all the way over in Australia. Hey, I think I hear a dingo eating your baby.
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Bart : No fair! You only won because you had the inside track. If the water had been going the other way...
Lisa : It never goes the other way, Bart. In the Northern Hemisphere, water always drains counter-clockwise. It's called the Coriolis Effect.
Bart : No way! Water doesn't obey your "rules." It goes where it wants to. Like me, babe.
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U.S. Ambassador : Any questions?
Bart : Yeah, do toilets go backwards here?
U.S. Ambassador : No. To combat homesickness, we've installed a device that makes them swirl the correct "American" way.