- Hyacinth: If there's one thing I can't stand, it's snobbery and one-upmanship. People who try to pretend they're superior. Makes it so much harder for those of us who really are.
- [last lines]
- [Rose has fallen from a ladder into the vicar's arms]
- The Vicar's Wife: Michael! Oh, really!
- Hyacinth: May I show you my holiday brochures?
- the Vicar: [Practicing his sermon] The point about 'love thy neighbor' is the question it immediately gives rise to. Namely, who is my neighbor? My neighbor is everyone. We can exclude no one. The exclusion of a single person brings the whole concept tumbling down.
- [His wife comes in]
- the Vicar: Hello!
- The Vicar's Wife: Guess who's on the list of volunteers for church cleaning today.
- the Vicar: The Bucket Woman? Oh no! Well, just keep her out of my way!
- The Vicar's Wife: You can't stay in hiding.
- the Vicar: I don't know why not! As far as the Bucket Woman's concerned, I'd climb the tower if I had to!
- The Vicar's Wife: What if she asks about you?
- the Vicar: Tell her I'm rehearsing my sermon. Just don't tell her where.
- The Vicar's Wife: I don't see why I should have to face her. Why me?
- the Vicar: Don't look at me as if I get all the fun jobs - I have to bury people!
- The Vicar's Wife: I'll bury the next one and you can deal with Hyacinth Bucket!
- [Leaves in a huff]
- the Vicar: [Back to his notes] Love thy neighbor... no. I think I'll do the water into wine.
- [first lines]
- Hyacinth: [on the telephone] Oh, yes, yes, yes.
- [dusts the receiver]
- Hyacinth: I do so agree, oh yes. Mmm. Oh! every time. You're quite right. Hmm. Your husband wants to do what? Ring the police! Oh, you're going away on holiday! For how long? A month. Lovely. Caribbean! Oh my word, how nice. Well, mind you don't over-indulge on the mangoes, and of course it's full of tourists, you know.
- [laughs]
- Hyacinth: Anyway, happy hols. Bye-bye.
- [hangs up]
- Hyacinth: Caribbean!
- Richard: I wish you wouldn't start polishing all the cutlery.
- Hyacinth: Very last year, the Caribbean, anyway.
- The Waitress: Two coffees.
- [notices Hyacinth polishing her fork]
- The Waitress: Are you having a meal?
- Hyacinth: I don't think so, thank you.
- The Waitress: Need a fork for your coffee, do you?
- Hyacinth: That's the last time I come here.
- Richard: Probably the last time they let us in.