The Simpsons (TV Series)
The War of the Simpsons (1991)
Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Barney Gumble, Imaginary Party Guest #3, Grampa Simpson, John
Photos
Quotes
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Homer : Now, about last night. You might've noticed Daddy acting a little strange and you probably don't understand why.
Bart : I understand why. You were wasted.
Homer : I admit it - I didn't know when to say when. Sorry it happened and I just hope you didn't lose a lot of respect for me.
Bart : Dad, I have as much respect for you as I ever did or ever will.
Homer : Aww.
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Ned Flanders : [Ned is telling Reverand Lovejoy what he doesn't like about Maude] Maude, God blees her... She's always marking passages in my bible.
Homer : It's a good thing you don't have guns in the house.
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Marge : [about Homer] It's just that he's so self-centered!
Homer : [covers his face] Buh, wait, oh!
Reverend Lovejoy : Now, Homer...
Marge : He forgets birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, both religious and secular. He chews with his mouth open. He gambles. He hangs out in a seedy bar with bums and lowlifes!
Homer : It's true, it's true. It's all true.
[crying]
Reverend Lovejoy : Homer, don't interrupt.
Homer : Sorry.
[stop fake crying]
Marge : He blows his nose on the towels and puts them back in the middle!
Homer : I only did that a couple of times!
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Homer : I promised I'd never eat? You lie!
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Homer : [inebriated off Flanders' punch, speaking to one of the guests] I've been wantin' to tell you off for years, but I never had the nerve!
Marge's Friend : [worriedly] Homer, I don't know you. My wife and your wife are friends. We met just three hours ago...
Homer : You... stink! You and your whole lousy operation stinks! I QUIT!
Marge's Friend : Uh... gee, don't - don't quit.
Homer : Alright then.
[he staggers over to Maude, eyes twitching slightly]
Homer : Could you... give me a... handful of peanuts... Maude?
Maude Flanders : Oh, sure.
Homer : Not those peanuts. The ones at the bottom...
Maude Flanders : Oh, okay.
[Homer sees her cleavage and gurgles. Marge watches, getting increasingly annoyed]
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Marge : Call this number of Grandpa falls in the bathroom.
[quietly to Bart and Lisa]
Grampa Simpson : I heard that!
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Barney Gumble : Is that new kind of mace? It's really painful.
[after one of Marge's sisters sprays him in the eyes for flirting with them]
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Imaginary Party Guest #3 : [Reacting to Homer's drunken prank] I pronounce it to be the most whimsical jape of the season!
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Barney Gumble : [drunkenly flirting with Patty] Hey you're Homer's sister in law right?, I remember you, but I don't remember you being so beauti-
[belches]
Barney Gumble : ful
[Patty sprays him with mace causing him to go into a coughing and burping fit]