Daria (TV Series)
Dye! Dye! My Darling (2000)
Wendy Hoopes: Jane Lane, Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer, Quinn Morgendorffer
Quotes
-
Daria Morgendorffer : So... what happens now?
Jane Lane : I was hoping you knew.
Daria Morgendorffer : Are we still friends?
[Jane doesn't answer]
Daria Morgendorffer : Are we?
Jane Lane : Yeah. We're the kind of friends who can't stand the sight of each other.
Daria Morgendorffer : Temporarily, right?
Jane Lane : I hope so, Daria.
-
Trent Lane : Hey, you know, about Tom and all... it'll be okay.
Jane Lane : Yeah, some part of me knows that. Some part of me is actually saying that breaking up is right.
Trent Lane : Maybe it is.
Jane Lane : So how come every five minutes I feel like I'm going to throw up?
Trent Lane : I don't know. You haven't been eating out of the refrigerator again, have you?
Jane Lane : [smiles] Idiot.
-
Daria Morgendorffer : ...so that's it. Of all the guys in the world to kiss, I pick the one who's going out with my best friend. Now I don't know what's going on, I have nobody to talk to about it, and that's why I came to you.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Oh.
Daria Morgendorffer : I didn't mean it that way.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Oh. Well, it's not easy being a teenager, Daria. You have all these new feelings and sensations...
Daria Morgendorffer : Mom, spare me the puberty speech. I kissed my best friend's boyfriend.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : I'm sure it was just a one-time...
Daria Morgendorffer : Twice.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : [sighs] It's a lousy situation, Daria. But you didn't set out to hurt anyone.
Daria Morgendorffer : Neither do those bus drivers who go flying off an embankment on their way to the casino.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Daria... nobody got killed.
Daria Morgendorffer : No, but I can't imagine how I could have hurt Jane more.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : What about Tom?
Daria Morgendorffer : I'm not thinking about Tom!
[sighs]
Daria Morgendorffer : You know... I had everything more or less under control. I'm not saying it was great, but I could deal with school, I could deal with home, and now nothing's under control.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : It never is, sweetie. We just tell ourselves otherwise so we can function.
Daria Morgendorffer : Who came up with that stupid arrangement?
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : It's called life.
Daria Morgendorffer : Life sucks.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Yes. Sometimes... often.
Daria Morgendorffer : *That's* reassuring.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : But it still beats the alternative. Honey, things will work out. I don't know how, but they will.
Daria Morgendorffer : You don't know how? What kind of parental wisdom is that?
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Honest?
Daria Morgendorffer : Don't you have to be getting back to that huge case of yours?
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Oh, don't worry about that. It's completely under control.
-
Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : I'm a real idiot. There's no question about that.
Jane Lane : Who's arguing?
Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : We should have just broken up and I never should have dragged Daria into it.
Jane Lane : What do you mean, we should have just broken up?
Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : Come on. We weren't going anywhere. We were about to break up.
Jane Lane : Yeah. So now what? You going to go out with her? I guess I gotta get a new best friend.
Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : What are you talking about?
Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : What am I going to do, tag along on your dates? Forget it. That's too weird for me.
Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : Yeah. I don't know why we expected her to do it.
Jane Lane : You're going to have just a super time dating Daria. She loves to have fun.
Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : I didn't say I was going to date her. I know how antisocial she is.
Jane Lane : Hey, she's all right. Give her a chance.
Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : What are you talking about? You want me to go out with her?
Jane Lane : Of course not. I mean, I don't know. Just... look. All that time... were you going out with me just to get to her?
Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : Are you crazy?
Jane Lane : I don't know. Am I?
Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : I really like you, Jane. You're smart and you're funny, you have a great attitude... you do everything on your own terms. You're, like, from a cooler world.
Jane Lane : I am, aren't I?
Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : You really are.
Jane Lane : Too bad you're such a dork.
Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : I know.
-
Jane Lane : Maybe we'd better to talk about this later.
Daria Morgendorffer : There's nothing to talk about. You're delusional.
Jane Lane : Oh, well, in that case, I can just talk to myself about it.
-
[Daria and Jane are browsing through the store for hair-coloring products]
Jane Lane : "Golden Heather Blonde," "Dewy Cornfield Blonde," "April Wheat Blonde"... I just want to bleach my hair, not start a freaking farm.
Daria Morgendorffer : Well, I'm looking for "Blonde as a Bat," but so far no luck.
-
Daria Morgendorffer : [while mixing the bleach to dye Jane's hair] This stuff stinks. Why can't they just mix it before they put it in the bottle?
Jane Lane : Because the vapors would build up and it would explode.
Daria Morgendorffer : Oh. Well, that sounds like something I'd want seeping into my scalp.
-
Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : Oh. Hi!
Jane Lane : Oh hi. Go to hell! How could you? How could you?
Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : Hey... uh... stop... I didn't mean to! It just happened!
Jane Lane : How could she?
Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : She didn't do anything! It was all my fault!
Jane Lane : Oh, don't give me that!
Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : She didn't want any part of this! I screwed everything up!
Jane Lane : Now what?
Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : I don't know.
-
Daria Morgendorffer : ...so that's it. Of all the guys in the world to kiss, I pick the one who's going out with my best friend. Now I don't know what's going on, I have nobody to talk to about it, and that's why I came to you.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : [misunderstanding] Oh.
Daria Morgendorffer : I didn't mean it that way.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Oh. Well, it's not easy being a teenager, Daria. You have all these new feelings and sensations...
Daria Morgendorffer : Mom, spare me the puberty speech. I kissed my best friend's boyfriend.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : I'm sure it was just a one-time...
Daria Morgendorffer : Twice.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : [sighs] It's a lousy situation, Daria. But you didn't set out to hurt anyone.
Daria Morgendorffer : Neither do those bus drivers who go flying off an embankment on their way to the casino.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Daria... nobody got killed.
Daria Morgendorffer : No, but I can't imagine how I could have hurt Jane more.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : What about Tom?
Daria Morgendorffer : I'm not thinking about Tom!
[sighs]
Daria Morgendorffer : You know... I had everything more or less under control. I'm not saying it was great, but I could deal with school, I could deal with home, and now nothing's under control.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : It never is, sweetie. We just tell ourselves otherwise so we can function.
Daria Morgendorffer : Who came up with that stupid arrangement?
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : It's called life.
Daria Morgendorffer : Life sucks.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Yes. Sometimes.
[pause]
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Often.
Daria Morgendorffer : That's reassuring.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : But it still beats the alternative. Honey, things will work out. I don't know how, but they will.
Daria Morgendorffer : You don't know how? What kind of parental wisdom is that?
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Honest?
Daria Morgendorffer : Don't you have to be getting back to that huge case of yours?
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Oh, don't worry about that. It's completely under control.