My Family (TV Series)

The Lost Weekend (2002)

Robert Lindsay: Ben Harper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ben : Isn't that what marriage is supposed to be about?

  Susan : Giving a husband what he wants?

  Ben : No, give and take.

  Susan : Right. You give me crap and I take it!

• Susan : Ben, a day in which nothing is accomplished is a day wasted.

  Ben : You say that like it's a bad thing.

• Ben : [Susan finds Ben on couch reading while supposed to be playing hide and seek]  Oh, you found me. Okay, now it's your turn to hide.

  Susan : I've got a better game, it's called hunt the testicles.

  Ben : Well you know where you hid them.

• [first lines] 

  Susan : I can't believe it. My own little boy going off on his first higher maths fun weekend.

  Michael : Mum, I'm fifteen.

  Ben : Ah, fifteen, the square root of a hundred and thirty-five.

  Michael : Two hundred and twenty-five, actually, Dad.

  Ben : Ah yeah. Higher maths fun weekend. Four words I never expected to hear in the same sentence.

  Michael : Actually, Dad, that's not a sentence, it's a phrase.

  Ben : Here's another phrase: Shut up!

  Michael : Nice work, Dad. I'm nearly laughing.

• [last lines] 

  Susan : Tell you what, Michael, since you must be at a loose end now, why don't I take you to the Tate Modern?

  Michael : Because I won't enjoy it.

  Susan : Not good enough.

  Ben : Yes, you will, Michael. You're going to love it.

  Michael : No, I won't.

  Ben : You will, because there's Gilbert *and* George.

  Susan : Bye, dear.

  Ben : Bye. Nice time.

  [shuts door behind them] 

  Ben : Yes!

• Susan : Now remember, dear, while you're away, if anybody suggests something or offers you something you think is wrong...

  Ben : Correct their calculations and hand it back!

  Michael : One of these days, dad, I'm going to be big enough to hit you!

• Susan : What's wrong with the Tate Modern?

  Ben : What? You take tours there all the time!

  Susan : But that's work. This is fun.

  Ben : Believe me, for me it's work!

• Susan : Although, I have to say it's a bit rich coming from a man who stores his CDs in alphabetical order!

  Ben : Excuse me! I do that so I don't waste time looking for them!

  Susan : That is so sad! Don't you want the thrill of browsing along the shelves and stumbling across something unexpected?

  Ben : No, especially when it's one of your bloody Joni Mitchell albums!

• Susan : Remember when first merged our record collection? I knew it was the real thing when we gave away one of our copies of 'Sgt. Pepper'.

  Ben : Yes - mine, as I recall!

• Susan : What are you doing?

  Ben : [Lying on the sofa and reading the paper]  I'm doing what I've always wanted!

  Susan : Ben, a day in which nothing is accomplished is a day wasted.

  Ben : You say that like it's a bad thing!

• Susan : Don't you want us to do something that will enrich our lives together?

  Ben : No. I just want to lie here and gain enough strength to get through the next week.

  Susan : So you want to do nothing, basically.

  Ben : I want to do nothing and you're the person I want to do nothing with, basically.

• Ben : Plans! Plans! Why can't you be spontaneous?

  Susan : [Smacks his head with a newspaper]  Did you see that coming?

  Ben : What the... What's wrong with you, Susan?

  Susan : I'm married to a slug!

• Susan : You can't see a film in the hours of daylight. It's immoral.

  Ben : Oh, l-look... they've re-released... 'The Piano'.

  Susan : Really? Well, let's go and see that!

  Ben : No, that's a joke, Susan! Do you really think I want to see 'The Piano'?

• Susan : You know I don't like leaving the house in a mess.

  Ben : Susan, it doesn't matter! We won't be in the house! Nobody will be in the house!

  Susan : Burglars might.

  Ben : Well, I think a couple of dirty cups are the least of our worries! What do you think they'll say? 'What a tidy house! Better not mess it up!'

  Susan : You never know - all burglars are different.

• Susan : The paper said the programme starts at 1.45pm.

  Ben : Yep, that's in eight minutes.

  Susan : That's the programme. The film won't start till 2.05pm. Unless you want to see the trailers.

  Ben : Yes, I want to see the trailers - that's the best bit. And I want a decent seat, and I want a Pepsi, and I want to use the loo.

  Susan : You're a real film buff, aren't you?

  Ben : No, I'm a comfort buff.

• Susan : Let's go for a walk in the park.

  Ben : What for?

  Susan : There is no 'what for' in a walk in the park. The walk in the park is the 'what for'.

  Ben : OK, I'll get my walking stick, you get the car blanket, I'll wheel you down there, and why don't we... why don't we just die of old age now?

  Susan : You like the park. You're always going to the park. At least, that's what you say you're doing.

  Ben : Yep, if you really knew me, Susan, you'd know that 'park' is code for 'pub'!

• Susan : Don't you want us to do something together?

  Ben : Yes, we are doing something together. I'm reading the paper and you're blithering away in the background.

• Ben : When are you going to learn, Susan, to relax and enjoy doing nothing?

  Susan : When will you learn that we women are hard-wired for multi-tasking?

  Ben : Hey, I can multi-task! Look - eating crisps, watching the telly, reading the paper, and... and ignoring you!

• Susan : Let's face it. We've got nothing in common.

  Ben : Well, nothing wrong with having nothing in common. Otherwise, there'd be no point in having two of us.

• Ben : So, since there's nothing we both like doing together, let's find something we both hate, then we both be miserable together.

  Susan : That works for me! Now what are the things we absolutely hate doing? I know, I know... going to visit my mother!

  Ben : Or descaling the downstairs toilet!

  Susan : Right!

  Ben : No contest!

  Susan : We're going to visit my mother.

  Ben : Well, I was going to get the rubber gloves.

  Susan : Are you comparing my mother to a toilet?

  Ben : Yes.

  Susan : Unfavourably!

  Ben : Well...

  Susan : But that's my mother!

  Ben : It's my toilet!

  Susan : Just typical of you! We go halfway to a useful solution and you go mess it up!

  Ben : Only because you took offence!

  Susan : Because you were being offensive!

  Ben : What is offensive about comparing your mother to a toilet? Honestly, you're so thin skinned!

  Susan : Well, it's better than being a thick idiot!