- Nick: [on the demo flight of the Time Transport] Now, the real reason I brought you up here today...
- Crow T. Robot: [as Nick] ... to crash!
- Nick: So, are you making dinner?
- Lisa: Are you offering dinner?
- Crow T. Robot: No, I'm saying "MAKE ME DINNER!"
- Crow T. Robot: No, this can't be the hero of the film, can it? Movie? Movie! Can I see your supervisor, movie, this will NOT stand!
- Mike Nelson: [the hero is stuck in a tree] Oh, he's looking for honey, like Pooh.
- Crow T. Robot: Oh, he's "like poo" all right.
- Tom Servo: Maybe it's Endor, hopefully he'll be ripped apart by Ewoks.
- [Robertson's assistants are all wearing bad suits]
- J.K. Robertson: Let's go, boys!
- Mike Nelson: [as Robertson] Let's go, director's college buds who brought their own suits to the shoot!
- [Nick Miller is wearing a college t-shirt that says "Castleton"]
- Mike Nelson: [as Nick] Ah, who am I kidding? I never went to Castleton.
- Crow T. Robot: Remember when everybody got the "Nick Miller" haircut and went around wearing Castleton t-shirts?
- Lisa: What's the use of a time machine for GenCorp?
- Nick: I'll give you an example.
- Crow T. Robot: You could send an egg into the future!
- Nick: We could study the long-term effects we're having on our environment. We could, uh...
- Mike Nelson: Send Bob Saget to meet Charlemagne.
- Crow T. Robot: [Nick opens the fridge, all that's in it is green goo in a bag] Loser status confirmed!
- Tom Servo: Please... eat... me!
- Mike Nelson: [the movie shows a boy in the future wearing neon colors, talking on a cell phone] So in the future children will become gay agents?
- J.K. Robertson: [after getting out of the wreck] Ah, Nick...
- Crow T. Robot: I have an aleron up my... well anyway.
- Crow T. Robot: [as Nick bikes into the parking lot of a grocery stor] Maple Syrup 3 for a doll- oh, hell, take it! Take it, we've got so much of it!
- Tom Servo: [as Nick, when Nick and Lisa are having lunch in a 50's diner] Can I get sky miles if I put this on my Visa Gold?
- Tom Servo: [as Robertson, when Robertson comes back to realize that Nick and Lisa have escaped] I leave for 20 minutes and EvilCo is in shambles!
- Mike Nelson: Ew, he's all stained again.
- Tom Servo: Why didn't the movie just cover him in cat vomit?
- Nick: This plane... well, it enables whoever's inside it to, uh...
- Mike Nelson: Get a film career that quickly dies.
- [during the end credits, the executive producers have the same last names as the director]
- Tom Servo: Executive Parents... uh, I mean Producers...
- [Nick and Lisa meet a couple of filthy bums from the dystopian future]
- Bum: [to his wife] They're travelers.
- Lisa: How'd you know we were...?
- Bum: 'Cause you ain't from around here. Nobody from around here looks like you for long.
- Mike Nelson: [as bum] Where's your filth?
- Nick: [talking on the phone] Sure!
- Tom Servo: [as Nick] Sure I'm an unappealing actor in a bad movie! Sure!
- [J.K. Robertson has just shot his henchman]
- Tom Servo: Still, he's a better boss than the Sunbeam guy.
- [Nick is on the phone and wearing no shirt]
- Mike, Crow, and Servo: Ahh!
- Nick: [on the phone] New Technology Development?
- Tom Servo: [as Nick] Marv! Hey, it's me, and I'm nude.
- [while Nick and Robertson are fighting in the plane, Nick is smashing Robertson's head into the airplane's dashboard]
- Crow T. Robot: [said in time with the hits] *Check* your *flaps* be*fore* taking *off*!
- [the plane is crashing, and the camera shows the altimeter and airspeed indicators going haywire]
- Tom Servo: We're losing ALT!
- Mike Nelson: And our MPH-Knots are going down!
- [after Matt is fired]
- Crow T. Robot: [as Nick] You had the misfortune of running into me. I'm a life-wrecking idiot!
- Crow T. Robot: [as some American revolutionaries are running through the forest] So, did you guys catch the Patriots game last night... I mean, *Liberty*!