- Ernie: Hey George, thanks for helping me pull my mom out of the tub.
- George Lopez: Hey man, tell her I'm really sorry. When she slipped I just reached out... I'm still not sure what I grabbed.
- Ernie: It wasn't your fault.
- George Lopez: But I probably shouldn't have yelled 'OH GROSS, IT FEELS LIKE PUDDING!'
- Ernie: Don't worry, if you're still here next week, I'll have my dad help me wash her.
- George Lopez: The way things are going, I probably will be here next week.
- George Lopez: Man, Ernie, I didn't realize it was this bad here.
- Ernie: Well sometimes I hate it, but what can I do?
- George Lopez: Hey man, I just moved out of my house because of the way my mom was treating me, you should do the same.
- Ernie: It's not the same thing, my mom needs me, my dad can't take care of her by himself.
- George Lopez: Look, I don't know much about psychology, but it can't be healthy for a man to see his mom naked that much. You saved a bunch of money living at home, hire a home health care nurse to help with your mom, a male nurse, one that works out. Oh yeah, and a forklift.
- George Lopez: [George's voice cuts into Ernie's motivational tape] You're a man who needs a longer robe, and less fruit basket.
- Ernie: George?
- [looks around]
- George Lopez: [on tape] I'm recording over this because I'm in your bedroom avoiding bathroom duty.