- Elliot Weston: Why do I feel like I'd rather be having a root canal done right now?
- Michael Steadman: Because if Miles hates this idea, he's gonna hate it forever, and a root canal only lasts an hour, and you get drugs.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: [watching Lauren with her boyfriend] That girl's never coming up for air.
- Michael Steadman: Hope, they're gonna see you.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Are you kidding?
- Michael Steadman: Oh, I really wanted to run before I met with Elliot.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Just a minute.
- Michael Steadman: This is ridiculous. I'm trapped in my own house because some prepubescent babysitter is having sex with a Hell's Angel in front of the whole neighborhood. Including Mr. Cenzio, who's probably having a coronary about now.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Oh, they are not having sex. They're just kissing. Do you know how lucky we are to have a babysitter who comes on Saturdays?
- Michael Steadman: That motorcycle is bigger than my car.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: You're jealous.
- Michael Steadman: Listen, I remember guys like this from high school. I got to be vice president of my junior class. They got to have sex.
- Michael Steadman: See how she definitely knows?
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Well, I'm sure she runs into a lot of this in her line of work. Other couples make babies.
- Michael Steadman: I loved your message.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Oh, all I said was that my temperature was up and that I needed you.
- Michael Steadman: Yeah. Drew says he knows exactly how you feel. He had a temperature last week, and he's still achy.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Oh, I ache for you. Listen, Lauren's gotta leave in 15 minutes.
- Michael Steadman: 15 minutes? I'm not 16 anymore, Hope.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Oh, thank God.
- Michael Steadman: Yeah. Lucky for you, huh?
- Elliot Weston: I thought sex was great for you two.
- Michael Steadman: I'm in advertising, remember? No, it's just... it's calm. It's too calm. It scares me.
- Elliot Weston: No kidding?
- Michael Steadman: Hmm. So, what are we gonna do?
- Elliot Weston: Walk out on her. She'll start looking great. Worked for me.