Yes Minister (TV Series)
The Moral Dimension (1982)
Nigel Hawthorne: Sir Humphrey Appleby
Photos
Quotes
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James Hacker : Bernard, any messages?
Bernard Woolley : Well, there is one for Sir Humphrey.
Sir Humphrey Appleby : Oh, good.
Bernard Woolley : The Soviet Embassy on the line. Mr Smirnoff.
Sir Humphrey Appleby : Sorry. So sorry.
James Hacker : Isn't there one for me?
Bernard Woolley : There was a message from the Embassy, the school - a delegation of Teachers.
James Hacker : Ah, I must go and greet the Teachers... before the Bells goes... bell goes!
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Bernard Woolley : Minister, can I have a private word with Sir Humphrey?
James Hacker : You may speak freely, Bernie.
Bernard Woolley : Yes... Oh, there was a message for you in the communications room. The VAT man, your 69 returns.
James Hacker : What?
Bernard Woolley : VAT 69.
James Hacker : Oh. Ah! Yes... thanks.
Sir Humphrey Appleby : I'm rapidly coming to the conclusion that the minister has had almost as many urgent messages as he can take.
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James Hacker : Ah, Lawrence of Arabia, you're wanted in the communications room.
Sir Humphrey Appleby : Oh, good. Er, who is it?
James Hacker : Napoleon!
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Sir Humphrey Appleby : [Bernard has a problem] Tell me about it.
Bernard Woolley : Well, you know that jar the Minister was given in Qumran? Well, the Minister's wife liked it.
Sir Humphrey Appleby : I expect she did.
Bernard Woolley : Then when I explained the rules to her, she looked terribly sad.
Sir Humphrey Appleby : They always do.
Bernard Woolley : And then she asked was it really worth more than £50 and she said wouldn't it be marvellous if it wasn't and she sort of... looked at me.
Sir Humphrey Appleby : But my dear Bernard, a 17th century vase...
Bernard Woolley : Yes, I know, I know. But there was this terribly nice Qumrany businessman and we had a... a... a conversation and he valued it as a copy, not as an original. £49.95.
Sir Humphrey Appleby : And you believed him?
Bernard Woolley : Well, yes, he said he was an expert and he spoke Arabic awfully well. And so I accepted his valuation in good faith. After all, Islam is a jolly good faith.
Sir Humphrey Appleby : Bernard, you took a grave personal risk. You're lucky nobody's been asking any questions.
Bernard Woolley : Well, that's just it, you see, a journalist from the Guardian saw it in the Minister's house and started to ask a lot of questions. Of course, Mrs Hacker said it was a copy, but, well the Press are so... horribly suspicious of things.
Sir Humphrey Appleby : Despicable.
Bernard Woolley : So what shall I do?
Sir Humphrey Appleby : The Minister must be told.
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[last lines]
Sir Humphrey Appleby : Superb, Minister!
Bernard Woolley : Thank you, Minister.
James Hacker : Ah well, it was nothing. One must stick by one's friends, eh, Humphrey. And Bernard. Loyalty.
Sir Humphrey Appleby , Bernard Woolley : Yes, Minister.
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James Hacker : [regarding Sir Humphrey telling the press about Hacker arranging to drink illegally in an Islamic country] You mean to tell me that - if I say... then you will t-tell...? Drop me in the...?
Sir Humphrey Appleby : In the moral dimension.
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Sir Humphrey Appleby : A cynic is what an idealist calls a realist.
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James Hacker : Will you answer a direct question?
Sir Humphrey Appleby : I strongly advise you not to ask a direct question.
James Hacker : Why?
Sir Humphrey Appleby : It might provoke a direct answer.
James Hacker : Never has yet.
