- Helen Chapel: I know what I did was wrong, Joe, I'm sorry. Please, just don't yell at me. Don't yell at me...
- Joe Montgomery Hackett: [pulls her into a long, deep kiss]
- Helen Chapel: I guess I deserved that.
- Joe Montgomery Hackett: Brian, are you ok?
- Brian Michael Hackett: Yeah, my head's still sore. I banged it pretty bad.
- Joe Montgomery Hackett: Well, you take care of yourself. I want you strong and healthy when I beat your brains out.
- Lowell Mather: Hey, Roy, wanna have some fun? Watch this!
- [Makes a call on the payphone]
- Fay Evelyn Schlob Dumbly DeVay Cochran: [Answering Lowell's call] Sandpiper Airline, how may I help you?
- Lowell Mather: Have you got Prince Albert in a can?
- Fay Evelyn Schlob Dumbly DeVay Cochran: Who is this?
- Lowell Mather: It's Lowell.
- Fay Evelyn Schlob Dumbly DeVay Cochran: Oh, hi, Lowell, how are the wife and kids?
- Lowell Mather: Fine, thanks - how's 3cold?
- Fay Evelyn Schlob Dumbly DeVay Cochran: It's much better, thank you for asking.
- Lowell Mather: Oh, before I forget - you'd better let him out!
- Fay Evelyn Schlob Dumbly DeVay Cochran: Let whom out?
- Lowell Mather: Prince Albert!
- Fay Evelyn Schlob Dumbly DeVay Cochran: Oh, that's right, heh heh - you always get me, Lowell.
- Lowell Mather: [to Roy] See - it's foolproof!
- Roy Biggins: [Turning away in disgust] Not in this case!