- Jack McFarland: [Bonnie and Jack have just met, and are the biological parents of a son, Elliot. After seeing Elliot in a flamboyant haircut, Bonnie has forbidden Jack to see him] I'm just gonna take my gay self, live my gay life, and have a gay old time.
- Bonnie: What are you doing? What is that?
- Jack McFarland: Oh, come on. The whole reason you don't want me to see him is because you have a problem with gay people.
- Bonnie: No, I don't.
- Jack McFarland: Yes, you do.
- Bonnie: No, I don't.
- Jack McFarland: Yes, you do.
- Bonnie: I'm gay, Jack.
- Jack McFarland: No you're not.
- Bonnie: Yes I am. I'm gay.
- Jack McFarland: Prove it! Say something lesbionic!
- Bonnie: Home Depot.
- Jack McFarland: k.d. lang, you are a lesbian!
- Jack McFarland: Hi, what's new? Oh, really? That's good, that's great. You guys work hard. You deserve it. What's new with me? Not too much. Lookin' good, smellin' good. If I weren't so busy, I'd date myself.
- Grace Adler: Ok, I read about this. You're never supposed to wake them.
- Jack McFarland: What's new with my son, Elliot, you ask? Oh, boy...
- Elliot: [he enters sporting a flashy outfit and a new, blond dye-job] Hey, how ya doing? I'll call ya - or not.