- Ryan Stiles: [playing "Greatest Hits"] Hi.
- Colin Mochrie: Hi!
- Ryan Stiles: How are you?
- Colin Mochrie: Fine!
- Ryan Stiles: We don't know what you're watching, so we're not going to tell you we're going to return you to it.
- Colin Mochrie: Oh, we... we're watching animal porn!
- [Drew buzzes]
- Colin Mochrie: "Mary Had a Little Lamb"... we'll be right back... in just a second. But you...
- [raucous laughter]
- Colin Mochrie: I'm sorry, I apologize.
- Ryan Stiles: [laughing] Er... so happy! "We're watching animal porn!"
- [Scenes from a hat]
- Drew Carey: Scenes from famous Hollywood movies as written by Dr. Seuss.
- Wayne Brady: Beebuldy boobuldy beebuldy zak! Beebuldy hey!-I'll be back!
- Jeff Bryan Davis: Jack, please don't leave me, don't leave me I beg! "I won't leave you, Rose, I've frozen my leg!" You've frozen your leg? "I've frozen my leg!" Jack, please don't leave me! "I won't leave you, I beg!"
- Drew Carey: [in "Scenes from a Hat"] "Bad times to smoke a cigarette."
- Colin Mochrie: FIRE!
- [mimes smoking]
- Jeff Bryan Davis: [mimes smoking and then blowing] All right, push, Mrs. Johnson.
- Colin Mochrie: [Ryan is sitting behind a standing Colin] I can't... believe I broke my own record of six burritos.
- Jeff Bryan Davis: [in "Weird Newscasters"]
- [as "Christopher Walken trying out his standup routine"]
- Jeff Bryan Davis: Hi, ya lovely audience, now... shut your holes. Dating is... weird. 'Cause guys and girls are so different. Now, I was flying on a plane, and the plane's food was... so bad, I didn't even wanna eat it.
- [audience laughs]
- Jeff Bryan Davis: Stop laughing, or I'll put my foot in your throat.
- Colin Mochrie: [in "Greatest Hits", after a song done in the style of opera] Some of those high notes go right to my testicles.
- Colin Mochrie: [in "Weird Newscasters"] Welcome to the six o'clock news. I'm your anchor, Arthur Any More Donuts. Our top story today: Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer, dead at 53. I know, it is sad. Over Barcelona today, the famed reindeer was hit by a flock of seagulls and a 747. Eyewitnesses report... that the reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane.