- Drew Carey: The points are like, uh, who's behind you in the buffet line. Who cares.
- [Greg laughs]
- Drew Carey: First, let's, uh, let's start out everything with a game called "Hollywood Director". This is for all four of you. Greg, Ren- Ruh- Greg, Ryan, and Wayne...
- Ryan Stiles: SIX years, he doesn't know my name.
- [audience laughs]
- Greg Proops: You are so DRUNK!
- Drew Carey: Yeah.
- [drinks from his coffee mug]
- Greg Proops: Wow. That's the best part of wakin' up, huh?
- Drew Carey: I know. Whiskey in your cup.
- Colin Mochrie: [in "Hollywood Director"] Cut, cut, cut!
- [pointing to Wayne]
- Colin Mochrie: Crap,
- [pointing to Ryan]
- Colin Mochrie: crap,
- [pointing to Greg]
- Colin Mochrie: not too bad. Come on, this is in 3D, it's not in marvelous crap-o-vision! Y'know, maybe it's my fault. No it isn't, 'cause I won a Dougie!
- Greg Proops: What's a Dougie?
- Colin Mochrie: Don't ask.
- Colin Mochrie: [in "Hollywood Director"]
- [to Wayne]
- Colin Mochrie: You are THIS close to being... substituted with Gary Coleman! THIS close! THIS close!
- Colin Mochrie: [in "Hollywood Director", the latest style was speeding up and slowing down] Cut cut cut cut! Okay, I was wrong.
- Ryan Stiles: That's really hard to do.
- Colin Mochrie: [mocking] "Oh, it's really hard to do! It's really hard to do!" I'm a genius!
- Wayne Brady: [upset] Don't yell!
- Colin Mochrie: When KUBRICK told someone to speed up and slow down...
- [Ryan looks defiant]
- Colin Mochrie: Anyway, look...
- Greg Proops: What's a Dougie?
- Colin Mochrie: A Dougie, it's a nice, it's a Canadian... beaver. Look, everybody, we have to concentrate! You're not thinking of your beats! I've seen better acting during sex!
- Drew Carey: [after "Hollywood Director", where the last style was strippers] Man, I am SO lucky I'm sittin' behind this desk. Ohh... sweet Lord, you can take me now. Thousand points.
- Ryan Stiles: [pulls top of pants open with thumbs] Put it in here.
- Colin Mochrie: [in "Sound Effects", as Jane] Ooh look, those coconuts look nice.
- Ryan Stiles: [as Tarzan] You want Tarzan to go get one for you?
- Colin Mochrie: All right, well-
- [does a double take]
- Colin Mochrie: You know what? Those Berlitz tapes are really helping you.
- Ryan Stiles: They were. Uh, night school course pay off for Tarzan.
- Wayne Brady: [in "Hats", wearing a Santa hat] This Santa Claus will have NO problem fittin' in your chimney.
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Hats", wearing a U.S. Mail hat] I'm from Express Mail and I absolutely have to be there overnight.
- Colin Mochrie: [in "Hats", wearing a fighter pilot helmet] Help. They're making me do hats, I wanna go home.
- Greg Proops: [in "Hollywood Director", the current style is strippers] Everybody freeze. I'm the law. This is my nightstick,
- [thrusting hips]
- Greg Proops: and I'm the law.