- Colin Mochrie: [in "Weird Newscasters", to Denny]
- [subtitle: "Acting out scenes from a soap opera"]
- Colin Mochrie: How can you be so calm, Ling Ling, while you're carrying my baby?
- [mimes pouring a drink]
- Colin Mochrie: I'm not even sure if it IS my baby, it could be my brother Roger's, the aerobics instructor with a difference.
- [mimes drinking]
- Colin Mochrie: My God, doesn't it matter that I have a rare tropical disease? That I'm slowly... where am I?
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Weird Newscasters"]
- [subtitle: "Tarzan sensing his woman is in danger"]
- Ryan Stiles: Mmm. Rain, come weekend. Make thing wet.
- [audience laughs/applauds]
- Ryan Stiles: Monday, sun come out. Make thing warm, dry out.
- Colin Mochrie: [in "Hoedown", about giving birth] Ellen is my wife, the other day, she gave birth. / It was the most beautiful thing on this God's Earth. / When I saw her do it, I said "Oh my God, dear Ellen, / Looking from this angle, it looks like a straw passing a melon!"