- Heylia James: [talking about Conrad beating up a campus security guard] Who you think done it? The fuck-you-up fairy?
- Andy Botwin: I'm not going to Iraq to fight in some bullshit war about oil money.
- Doug Wilson: Bullshit war? What about 9/11? Didn't Iran hide the terrorists?
- Andy Botwin: We're fighting a war in Iraq, Doug, and neither country had anything to do with blowing up the World Trade Center.
- Doug Wilson: Well, they both have sand.
- Andy Botwin: Bush invaded a sovereign nation in defiance of the UN. He's a war criminal, and now I'm supposed to be one of his disposable thugs with a fucking target on my head in the middle of the desert, waiting to be blown up by a car bomb rigged by a 12 year old who loved Friends and Metallica until one of our missiles blew up his house. I don't think so!
- Doug Wilson: Well... whatever.
- [grabs a key from the drawer and stands up]
- Doug Wilson: Look, I've got a lotta shit to do...
- Andy Botwin: You name me one thing you have to do that's more important than the corporate takeover of our democracy!
- Doug Wilson: [holding up the bathroom key] I've gotta take a shit.
- Heylia James: I mean, you even see a white girl on television, you change the channel, or I swear 'fore God I will freeze you out so cold you'll have to carry your ass to the North Pole to defrost.
- Celia Hodes: [to Isabelle] You cannot become a lesbian just because you don't want to lose weight. The only girl that you should be seeing is Jenny Craig.
- Isabelle Hodes: I love Peggy and she loves me.
- Celia Hodes: She's a little Asian girl. They look like boys already. You might as well go for the real deal.
- Peggy: Hey! I have boobs.
- Celia Hodes: Those are not boobs.
- Isabelle Hodes: [to Celia] I knew it wouldn't last.
- Celia Hodes: What?
- Isabelle Hodes: The new and improved you. You're feeling better, aren't you? You're not going to die.
- Celia Hodes: No. I'm going to live for a long, long time. The doctors say I'm doing really really well.
- Isabelle Hodes: You know, maybe you should double check just to be sure. I mean there's still some chance you'll die right?
- Celia Hodes: Why would you say that?
- Isabelle Hodes: 'Cause when you think you're going to die, you're a much better person.