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The Vicar of Dibley (TV Series)
The Arrival (1994)
Dawn French: Geraldine Granger
Photos
Quotes
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David Horton : This is Geraldine. She's the new vicar!
Geraldine : Hello.
Owen Newitt : No, she isn't!
Geraldine : Why not?
Owen Newitt : She's a woman!
Geraldine : Aaah, you noticed? These are such a give-away, aren't they?
[pointing to her breasts]
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Geraldine : Hello, I'm Geraldine. Believe you're expecting me.
David Horton : No, I'm expecting our new vicar. Unless of course you are the new vicar and they've landed us with a woman
[laughs]
David Horton : as some sort of insane joke.
Geraldine : Oh, dear.
David Horton : Oh, my God!
Geraldine : You were expecting a bloke; beard, Bible, bad breath.
David Horton : Yes, that sort of thing.
Geraldine : Yeah. And instead you got a babe with a bob-cut and a magnificent bosom.
David Horton : So I see.
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[post credits]
Geraldine : So there's this nun, right?
Alice Tinker : Uh.
Geraldine : And she's having a bath. And a knock comes on the door.
Alice Tinker : Oh dear.
Geraldine : Yeah, and she says, "Who is it?" and the reply comes, "It's the blind man. Can I come in?" She thinks for a minute and she says, "Yes, all right then, come in." So this chap comes in and says, "Nice tits! Where do you want me to hang the blind?"
Alice Tinker : [long pause] Oh! He's not...
Geraldine : No.
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Geraldine : Don't call me 'Ma'am' - sounds like the Queen. Lovely lady, but very odd taste in hats, don't you think, Miss Tinker?
Alice Tinker : Yes!
Geraldine : Yes!
Alice Tinker : Oh, erm... you can call me Alice.
Geraldine : Right.
Alice Tinker : Because it's my name.
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Geraldine : My grandma knitted this. She's blind.
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Geraldine : Very unusual sandwiches. What's this with the ham?
Letitia Cropley : Lemon curd.
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[last lines]
Frank Pickle : It's the most people we've had in the church since that Lady Godiva thing three years ago.
Geraldine : Oh, what was that?
Hugo Horton : We were celebrating the summer solstice, and we thought it would be fun to re-enact Lady Godiva.
Geraldine : [to Alice, who is unbuttoning her] No, no, no, no, no, that is my dress.
Owen Newitt : A lot of people turned up, but unfortunately it was rather disappointing.
Geraldine : Lady Godiva wearing a body stocking.
Frank Pickle : No! She was absolutely stark naked.
Geraldine : Wow.
Letitia Cropley : Well, I hadn't had time to go to the hair-dresser, so I wasn't looking my best.
Geraldine : I bet you were, you sauce-pot.