- Mark Hogan: Willie, at least give it a try - you might even like it!
- Willie Hogan: Oh, sure - easy for you to say; you got a great girl to do it with.
- Sandy Hogan: Uh, guys? Uh... do I want to know what you're talkin' about?
- Willie Hogan: We just got married.
- Sandy Hogan: I thought I told you to come straight home from school.
- Mark Hogan: [to Willie] You've got no right to complain - you got the best career of anyone in class. Go on - show her.
- Sandy Hogan: [taking a crumpled paper from Willie and reading] "Dr. William Hogan, heart surgeon." Well - very impressive! How 'bout you, Mark?
- Mark Hogan: Oh - well, not so good. I'm an unemployed artist, trying to support four children.
- Sandy Hogan: Oh, dear... You know something? I think I donated to that family last Christmas.
- Mark Hogan: Well, at least my wife's working. She's a cashier at 7-Eleven.
- Sandy Hogan: Why don't you ask 'em to stay for dinner?
- Mark Hogan: Oh, good idea! You know, that'll give us enough time to balance our checkbooks and to work out our household budgets.
- Sandy Hogan: Yeah - that sounds like *my* wedding night.
- Mark Hogan: I'd like to introduce you to my wife - Tracy.
- Sandy Hogan: Well - nice to meet you. Good luck.
- Sandy Hogan: [turning to Willie] And...?
- Willie Hogan: ...Oh, yeah - that's Janice, the old ball and chain.
- Willie Hogan: You're asking a heart surgeon to set the table?
- Sandy Hogan: No, I'm *telling* a heart surgeon to set the table.
- Willie Hogan: I'll go scrub up.
- Willie Hogan: I have a little problem.
- David Hogan: What?
- Willie Hogan: I want Mark's wife.
- David Hogan: You can't have Mark's wife - you've got your own wife.
- Willie Hogan: But I hate her! She's no fun, and she's too smart. She's Mark in a skirt.
- Tracy Nash: Oh, Willie - let's stop fooling ourselves.
- Willie Hogan: About what?
- Tracy Nash: Face it - Janice can never make you happy.
- Willie Hogan: [gasping, after Mark is pulled away from choking him] You're lucky Sandy showed up when she did, mister!
- Mark Hogan: I suppose you just happened to be at... the library?
- Sandy Hogan: Oh, Willie... the library.
- Willie Hogan: I go there a lot. I'm an avid reader.
- Willie Hogan: Yes - I arranged to meet Tracy at the library.
- Sandy Hogan: In the Young Adultery section, no doubt.
- Mark Hogan: This is a nightmare! My no-good wife, and my cheatin' brother!... I'm living a country-western song.
- Sandy Hogan: Mark, are you and Tracy unhappy?
- Mark Hogan: Unhappy? We're living lives of quiet desperation.
- Mrs. Patty Poole: I've gotta get back to my biscuit batter. Boy - if you let that stuff set, you could caulk a bathtub with it.
- Sandy Hogan: How are you two doing?
- Willie Hogan: Not so good - we just got slapped with another lawsuit.
- Sandy Hogan: Not malpractice again?
- Willie Hogan: No, this one's from the IRS.