[first lines]
Barbara Caufield: [re the somberly-dressed girl] Who's Little Miss Queen of Darkness?
Tiffany Malloy: Gothic Girl? She's new.
Barbara Caufield: Hasn't that gone completely out of style, like, *last year?*
Tiffany Malloy: Oh, TV is always at least a year behind.
Barbara Caufield: Let's go over and be cruel to her by rubbing her weirdo loneliness in her face.
Tiffany Malloy: [laughs] No. No, this is not The Craft. Let's go over there and *make* friends. Everyone knows you can't have too many friends.
Barbara Caufield: Or too many Filipino houseboys.
Tiffany Malloy: [goes over to the newcomer] Hi. We noticed that you dress all in black. Hey, is that meant to symbolize something? Are you, like, the Duchess of Death?
Caitlin Blackpoole: I dress in black 'cause my life is short and brutish, cut off by the grim abyss of death.
Tiffany Malloy: You know,
[shakes her head]
Tiffany Malloy: I've already got enough friends.
[walks away]
Ryan Malloy: Hey! A new girl!
[hops onto couch next to Caitlin]
Ryan Malloy: What are you into, sweetheart?
Caitlin Blackpoole: Darkness. Death. Nothingness.
Ryan Malloy: Well, you're in luck, baby. To find a bigger nothing around here, you gotta stoop. Are you seeing anybody or what?
Caitlin Blackpoole: Satan.
Ryan Malloy: Well, he can have your immortal soul. I'll take those all too mortal *melons.*
Caitlin Blackpoole: [with utmost contempt] You couldn't carry the Dark Lord's jock! I gotta get out of here. It's eleven o'clock. The Magic hour.
Tiffany Malloy: You do magic at eleven o'clock?
Caitlin Blackpoole: No, I watch the Magic Johnson Show.
[rises, goes on her way]
Tiffany Malloy: Hey, if you wanna ride with us, we're gonna go by the graveyard.
Caitlin Blackpoole: Cool!
Barbara Caufield: Hey, you guys, go on. I'm just gonna hang out here and do some studying.
Tiffany Malloy: You sure you'll be all right?
Barbara Caufield: Please! I'm an attractive coed alone late at night in the student union. What could go wrong?
[which leaves lots and lots of speculation]
Ryan Malloy: [to Caitlin] Aw, come on... you gotta give me a chance. Just... tell Satan you're washing your hair. I mean, he's too busy mating with Kathie Lee Gifford anyway.
[all too no avail]