- Ryan Malloy: [in library] Boy! What's a guy gotta do to get a girl's attention around here?
- [takes out baseball from trouser pocket and, from behind, throws it smack against Muffy's head]
- Muffy: Ow!
- Ryan Malloy: Hey, baby! Now that I got your attention, you wanna go out with me? It will be worth it, I tell you. You know how most people think about baseball when they're having sex? I think about sex while I'm playing baseball! Now with that kind of dedication, the real winner is gonna be you!
- Muffy: [still smarting from the hit] Go away!
- Ryan Malloy: If you saw a bum starving on the street, you'd give him a quarter, wouldn't you? Well, I'm starving! And I wouldn't even cost you a quarter. Matter of fact, I'll give you the quarter! Yeah, I'd feel better about it that way, I hate owing them.
- Muffy: Not even if you were the last man on Earth!
- Ryan Malloy: If I was the last man on Earth, you think I'd be talking to you?
- Tiffany Malloy: [after her brother beaned another girl with a baseball on the back of the head] Ryan, when are you ever going to learn that a date is not riding in an ambulance with a girl on the way to the hospital?
- Ryan Malloy: Come on, what guy doesn't like a girl who's strapped down, on painkillers, who can't move?