- Jack Malloy: Hey, you're me. If I'm stupid, that makes you stupid!
- Mr. Floppy: I'm just an underachiever. I choose *love* instead of a career. Emotionally supporting you is a full-time job, Bub. Besides, what can I do with my life, stuck on this couch? I have less mobility than Franklin Delano Roosevelt! I'm physically challenged! You, on the other hand, are handicapped by your stupidity.
- Jack Malloy: Nah, I can't be stupid. I have three kids. Stupid people have four. Besides, look at Tiffany. Now, she's my daughter, and she's smart as a whip! Now,
- [brags:]
- Jack Malloy: she must have got that from somewhere...
- Mr. Floppy: You stupidly stumbled on the answer: She's not yours!
- Jack Malloy: Of course she's mine. She calls me Daddy all the time.
- [chuckles]
- Jack Malloy: Besides, Jennie would never cheat on me. I mean, why go out for a can of beer when you've got yourself a big frosty tallboy right here?
- Mr. Floppy: Jack, let me give you a newsflash. Women cheat. You can't trust a dame. I learned that little lesson the hard way.
- Jack Malloy: Where? The sizzling season premiere of Melrose Place?
- Mr. Floppy: No, the other cauldron of sin and deceit. The toy bin! She was beautiful, Jack. She had flawless skin, perfect boobies... a four-inch waist and long legs and a short dress. Dress sold separately! We'll call her... Burbie!