- Ryan Malloy: Does no one in this school want me?
- Friskie Transvestite: [walks up to Ryan, a real dog] Grr-woof!
- Tiffany Malloy: Your relationship with Bitsy is ruining your life, you know.
- Ryan Malloy: It's not! She is my life. She completes me.
- Tiffany Malloy: Oh, please, don't Jerry Maguire me! If that's really the way you feel about her, tell me a little bit more about Bitsy Berg.
- Ryan Malloy: Her last name's Berg?