- Tiffany Malloy: [ironing teacher's shirt] Like an ironed shirt is gonna make you more attractive to anyone, you ugly little troll!
- [mocking cat-doting English teacher:]
- Tiffany Malloy: Oh, don't I look handsome tonight, Frisky? Oh, Frisky, another night at home by the fire! Oh, Frisky, I just love your warm sandpapered little tongue! Frisky, step in the old cat-box and make one of your patented beautiful little cat-logs and Daddy will give *you* the only *A!*
- Ross Malloy: [enters] Hey, Martha Stewart! Uh, a little tip for you. Try putting *in* the iron. It's a good thing.
- Mr. Floppy: Why can't today's women dress up like Heather Locklear, and cook like the guy down at Fat Burger?
- A. Cyril Studebaker: [cat-loving English teacher] The rest of you, listen up and listen well! Frisky and I do not belueve in giving the easy A, do we, Frisky? We give only one A per semester! Those of you interested in receiving that A, here is your first assignment!
- [throws down lumpy bag]
- Tiffany Malloy: Ugh! Your laundry? Oh, no, I am not doing any man's laundry, I'm a virgin, for God's sake! You think I'm gonna do your laundry?
- Barbara Caufield: [all compliant] It will be my pleasure to do your laundry, Mr. Studebaker. And *I* will have it back by tomorrow afternoon.
- A. Cyril Studebaker: [to Frisky] Gee, I think we see our A student already...!
- Tiffany Malloy: Well, then look over here. I swear I will get this laundry cleaner than Emilio Estevez' appointment book!