Unhappily Ever After (TV Series)
College! (1997)
Nikki Cox: Tiffany Malloy
Quotes
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Tiffany Malloy : [opens letter, gives victorious laugh] Oh, yes, yes! God, yes!
Amber Moss : That's not bad, but, uhm, guys like it if you yell their name in there somewhere.
Tiffany Malloy : Amber, this is not a man. I was just *accepted to Harvard!*
[laughs happily]
Tiffany Malloy : Who can I hurt the most with this news?
[just then, in sails Sable]
Tiffany Malloy : Hey, Sable! Where are you going to college?
Sable O'Brien : [proudly] Stanford.
Tiffany Malloy : Ah, yes, Stanford. A decent little West Coast school. By the way, I'm going to Harvard.
[beams bright smile]
Sable O'Brien : [throws big tantrum] Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!
Ryan Malloy : [consoles sobbing girl] Ah, there, there, there! There, I know how to make you relax. I'm - I'm gonna sing you a song. It always works for me when I was little, okay?
[Sable's still sobbing, and he starts singing:]
Ryan Malloy : Hush, little baby, don't you cry, Poppa's gonna buy you a pizza pie...
[and he starts snoring, suspiciously with his head on her bosom]
Sable O'Brien : [dismayed by the big baby] Uh, can somebody take this?
[Ryan is pretending to be asleep in between laughing, his head cradled heavenly]
-
Tiffany Malloy : [to big shot movie producer Ryan] That's it, I quit! You are dumber and far less competent than me, yet you are my boss! I guess this is an excellent introduction to Hollywood.
-
Tiffany Malloy : Mom! Dad!
[with irony:]
Tiffany Malloy : How odd to see you both here during the day. Great news! I just got accepted to Harvard! And all it's gonna cost for the first year is $28 000!
Jennie Malloy : Whoo! That is gonna be one heck of a summer job!
Tiffany Malloy : [laughs] I'm not gonna get a job, I'm not an *orphan*.
[chuckles]
Tiffany Malloy : You have the money, don't you, Daddy?
Jack Malloy : Of course!
[as if anybody watching would believe that]
Tiffany Malloy : Of course!
[he laughs a big fatherly laugh, and she hugs him]
Tiffany Malloy : Oh, I love you, Daddy! Oh, and Mommy...!
[goes over to Jennie]
Tiffany Malloy : Mommy, I love Daddy!
[runs off]
Jennie Malloy : [mocks] "I love Daddy I love Daddy!"
[to Jack:]
Jennie Malloy : Yeah, I'd love you too if I thought you had $28 000!
-
Tiffany Malloy : Ah, Mr. Monteleone, you preening asexual B-minus-giving power-mongering rum-soaked excuse for an English teacher, suck on this: I'm going to Harvard!
Mr. Monteleone : Ah, how wonderful! The most elite school in this nation! Thanks to my teaching, you'll be woefully unprepared! Further which, Harvard costs $28 000 a year! Your father couldn't make that much money in a lifetime! See you at Burger King, Miss Malloy! I can't wait to make you "hold the pickles!"