- Johnny Carson: [noting a recent People magazine article about him] They said I was feared.
- Ed McMahon: Right.
- Johnny Carson: One of the most feared people in show business. Now, that's not... that's not true, is it?
- Ed McMahon: Gosh, what - what would I be able to say?
- Johnny Carson: [on the popularity of video game consoles] See, the whole family can use the television screen now for something stupid, without checking TV Guide.
- Johnny Carson: There was a, uh, a scandal in the toy department at Zody's today. G.I. Joe was seen coming out of the, uh, of the dollhouse with Gay Bob.
- Johnny Carson: [showing a Sweet Lips doll that opens its mouth] That was originally called Deep Barbie.
- David Letterman: There was a fire in Laurel Canyon not too long ago; it came - and I lost, like, an entire set of dishes. You know?... Well, you know how paper burns.
- David Letterman: It was so inspirational to see these two kinds of people - you had the old hippies in their boiled canvas togas, uh, fighting side by side with the guys in the $800 jogging suits, desperately tryin' to save each other's drugs.