Three's Company (TV Series)
Snow Job (1979)
Suzanne Somers: Chrissy Snow
Quotes
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Janet Wood : What have you got there?
Chrissy Snow : [sullen] I didn't get a raise, that's what I got there.
Janet Wood : Well, we're you due for one?
Chrissy Snow : Yeah.
Jack Tripper : Poor Chrissy. Did you complain?
Chrissy Snow : [wilfully] I wouldn't give them the satisfaction!
Janet Wood : Well, so to cheer yourself up, you went out and bought something new?
Chrissy Snow : How could I? I need a raise to be able to buy something new!
Janet Wood : But you didn't get a raise.
Chrissy Snow : No, that's why I got the *box*!
Jack Tripper : Oh.
[looks at Janet nonplussed]
Jack Tripper : Lemme see what's inside it, okay?
[starts opening the box]
Janet Wood : Chrissy, how come they wouldn't give you a raise?
Chrissy Snow : [whines] I don't know! I'm the best secretary they have if you don't count my shorthand and typing!
Jack Tripper : [inspected box] Easy Time Cosmetics?
Chrissy Snow : That's my new part-time job.
Jack Tripper : Doing what?
Chrissy Snow : Selling. You know, door to door, to friends, and over the telephone. These are cosmetics and toiletries that every man and woman can use.
Jack Tripper : You know, I don't use lipstick.
[smiles]
Chrissy Snow : It's not just lipstick, it's aftershave...
Jack Tripper : Oh, yeah, well, Janet will like that.
[Janet slams the empty box down over his head]
Janet Wood : You know, Chrissy, selling is really hard work.
Chrissy Snow : Well, the man at the Easy Time Cosmetics company said I'd make a lot of money. He said that this job doesn't take any ability at all and I'd be perfect for it.
[Jack laughs]
Janet Wood : Yes, well, Chrissy...
Jack Tripper : Chrissy, you'll be great! You can sell anything!
Chrissy Snow : Oh, thank you, Jack! Ooh!
[plants great big kiss smack on his lips, then runs off happily to the kitchen]
Jack Tripper : [breathless] Mercy!
Janet Wood : Do you really believe what you just told her?
Jack Tripper : No, but I just *love* the way she says thank you!
Janet Wood : You know, Chrissy tried selling before, and she was a total flop at it. Do you remember that all-purpose kitchen knife?
Jack Tripper : Oh, yeah. She made four dollars selling the knives, but spent five dollars buying band-aids.
Janet Wood : I'm going to the kitchen and I'm gonna tell her the truth.
[jumps up, and then Chrissy returns]
Janet Wood : Oh, hi. Uhm, Chrissy, I've been thinking.
[looks back at Jack for support]
Janet Wood : Honey, some people just aren't cut out to sell door to door.
Chrissy Snow : I know. But don't feel bad, you have so many other abilities.
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Chrissy Snow : Guess what? I'm the new sales lady for EasyTimes Cosmetics, and you get to be my very first customer.
Lana Shields : Guess what? You're wrong. Jack, darling...
[goes over to couch]
Jack Tripper : [had been pretending he didn't see her come in] Oh, hi, Lana, just taking a nap.
Lana Shields : You must come over to my apartment with me and help me change my light bulb.
Chrissy Snow : That's a switch.
[snorting with laughter]
Jack Tripper : Lana, why can't you change it yourself?
Lana Shields : 'Cause the fixture's too high. It's in the ceiling... of my bedroom.
[chuckles]
Jack Tripper : Why don't you just get on the bed?
Lana Shields : I thought you'd never ask.
[makes a grab for him again]
Jack Tripper : Lana, control yourself.
[points at the others in the room]
Lana Shields : I can't help myself, Jack, whenever I'm close to you, I get this... this tingling sensation all over my body!
Chrissy Snow : Please! If you want your body to tingle, why don't you try some of my new bath lotion?
Lana Shields : [looks down at Chrissy with disdain] If blondes have more fun, why do they keep spoiling it for other people?
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Jack Tripper : [consoling after failure] Chrissy, lots of people have trouble selling at first.
Chrissy Snow : [sobbing profusely] Not like me! Two men walked away, and another made me write a letter to his wife!
Janet Wood : [puzzled] Why?
Chrissy Snow : [very, very upset] Because I spilled a bottle of perfume all over his pants!
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Janet Wood : Chrissy, quitting your job is a really big step. Shouldn't you think it through?
Chrissy Snow : Janet, thinking never works for me.