Three's Company (TV Series)

Snow Job (1979)

John Ritter: Jack Tripper

Quotes 

• Janet Wood : What have you got there?

  Chrissy Snow : [sullen]  I didn't get a raise, that's what I got there.

  Janet Wood : Well, we're you due for one?

  Chrissy Snow : Yeah.

  Jack Tripper : Poor Chrissy. Did you complain?

  Chrissy Snow : [wilfully]  I wouldn't give them the satisfaction!

  Janet Wood : Well, so to cheer yourself up, you went out and bought something new?

  Chrissy Snow : How could I? I need a raise to be able to buy something new!

  Janet Wood : But you didn't get a raise.

  Chrissy Snow : No, that's why I got the *box*!

  Jack Tripper : Oh.

  [looks at Janet nonplussed] 

  Jack Tripper : Lemme see what's inside it, okay?

  [starts opening the box] 

  Janet Wood : Chrissy, how come they wouldn't give you a raise?

  Chrissy Snow : [whines]  I don't know! I'm the best secretary they have if you don't count my shorthand and typing!

  Jack Tripper : [inspected box]  Easy Time Cosmetics?

  Chrissy Snow : That's my new part-time job.

  Jack Tripper : Doing what?

  Chrissy Snow : Selling. You know, door to door, to friends, and over the telephone. These are cosmetics and toiletries that every man and woman can use.

  Jack Tripper : You know, I don't use lipstick.

  [smiles] 

  Chrissy Snow : It's not just lipstick, it's aftershave...

  Jack Tripper : Oh, yeah, well, Janet will like that.

  [Janet slams the empty box down over his head] 

  Janet Wood : You know, Chrissy, selling is really hard work.

  Chrissy Snow : Well, the man at the Easy Time Cosmetics company said I'd make a lot of money. He said that this job doesn't take any ability at all and I'd be perfect for it.

  [Jack laughs] 

  Janet Wood : Yes, well, Chrissy...

  Jack Tripper : Chrissy, you'll be great! You can sell anything!

  Chrissy Snow : Oh, thank you, Jack! Ooh!

  [plants great big kiss smack on his lips, then runs off happily to the kitchen] 

  Jack Tripper : [breathless]  Mercy!

  Janet Wood : Do you really believe what you just told her?

  Jack Tripper : No, but I just *love* the way she says thank you!

  Janet Wood : You know, Chrissy tried selling before, and she was a total flop at it. Do you remember that all-purpose kitchen knife?

  Jack Tripper : Oh, yeah. She made four dollars selling the knives, but spent five dollars buying band-aids.

  Janet Wood : I'm going to the kitchen and I'm gonna tell her the truth.

  [jumps up, and then Chrissy returns] 

  Janet Wood : Oh, hi. Uhm, Chrissy, I've been thinking.

  [looks back at Jack for support] 

  Janet Wood : Honey, some people just aren't cut out to sell door to door.

  Chrissy Snow : I know. But don't feel bad, you have so many other abilities.

• Chrissy Snow : Guess what? I'm the new sales lady for EasyTimes Cosmetics, and you get to be my very first customer.

  Lana Shields : Guess what? You're wrong. Jack, darling...

  [goes over to couch] 

  Jack Tripper : [had been pretending he didn't see her come in]  Oh, hi, Lana, just taking a nap.

  Lana Shields : You must come over to my apartment with me and help me change my light bulb.

  Chrissy Snow : That's a switch.

  [snorting with laughter] 

  Jack Tripper : Lana, why can't you change it yourself?

  Lana Shields : 'Cause the fixture's too high. It's in the ceiling... of my bedroom.

  [chuckles] 

  Jack Tripper : Why don't you just get on the bed?

  Lana Shields : I thought you'd never ask.

  [makes a grab for him again] 

  Jack Tripper : Lana, control yourself.

  [points at the others in the room] 

  Lana Shields : I can't help myself, Jack, whenever I'm close to you, I get this... this tingling sensation all over my body!

  Chrissy Snow : Please! If you want your body to tingle, why don't you try some of my new bath lotion?

  Lana Shields : [looks down at Chrissy with disdain]  If blondes have more fun, why do they keep spoiling it for other people?

• Jack Tripper : [opens door]  Oh, look, it's Mr. Furley! Well, maybe he can take care of your bulb, Lana.

  Ralph Furley : [enters, has eyes only for Lana]  Yeah! I'm great with flowers.

  [said in such a way it is clear he considers Lana to be his flower] 

  Lana Shields : Why don't you go plant yourself?

• Jack Tripper : [consoling after failure]  Chrissy, lots of people have trouble selling at first.

  Chrissy Snow : [sobbing profusely]  Not like me! Two men walked away, and another made me write a letter to his wife!

  Janet Wood : [puzzled]  Why?

  Chrissy Snow : [very, very upset]  Because I spilled a bottle of perfume all over his pants!

• Jack Tripper : [wants to help Chrissy]  Lana, if you do me this favor, I - I'll come up and fix your bulb. All I right?

  Lana Shields : Good! And then we'll turn it off, and you can turn me on.