- Jack Tripper: It's time to toast the bride and groom.
- Janet Wood: OK.
- Jack Tripper: To Gloria and Larry. Happy days.
- Janet Wood: Good times.
- Chrissy Snow: Little house on the prairie!
- Chrissy Snow: [after catching Jack and Gloria in a compromising position] You're a rat!
- Janet Wood: A pig.
- Chrissy Snow: A snake!
- Janet Wood: A skunk.
- Chrissy Snow: A giraffe!
- Jack Tripper: Giraffe?
- Chrissy Snow: Well, I ran out of animals.
- Helen Roper: Stanley, you can't play a bugle at a wedding. It's not appropriate.
- Stanley Roper: Why not? It started all the other wars.
- [first lines]
- Helen Roper: [laughing as she regales the youngsters] And then - and then there was this woman who was always behind in her rent. And
- [snickers]
- Helen Roper: one day she came down to our apartment with dollar bills stuck all over her nude body. And she said to Stanley, she said "Well, if you want your rent, you're just gonna have to take it off me."
- [laughs]
- Janet Wood: Oh, Mrs. Roper, did he?
- Helen Roper: Yeah, he did. But I made him leave the room while I took the last three dollars.
- Jack Tripper: Don't forget you're engaged to Larry!
- Gloria: I'm getting married, not buried! Larry will be out bowling every Wednesday.
- Jack Tripper: No, Gloria, Larry doesn't bowl.
- Gloria: We'll teach him!
- Jack Tripper: I can't tell him! Gloria's the girl he's gonna share his life with!
- Janet Wood: What about the guys he's gonna share his wife with?