- Mr. Nitzke: Since we can't afford flashy new textbooks, whenever you see the word "Indian," think "Native American." And don't be alarmed when they refer to 1976 as the future.
- Marty DePolo: As soon as I start working my angel magic on you, you're gonna be hanging out with that crowd.
- [He points down the hall]
- Steve Beauchamp: What, the janitors?
- Marty DePolo: No! Look, them.
- [the group of janitors move aside and we see a group of students that were standing behind them]
- Marty DePolo: Over there. Jordan Lubell and his buds. The cool kids.
- Steve Beauchamp: Sure, they're cool now. But where will they be in 20 years?
- Marty DePolo: Well, let's see.
- [Marty snaps his fingers and everyone freezes. Jordan, the cheerleader and the other guy step forward]
- Cheerleader: I'm going to be a supermodel and marry an 80 year old billionaire.
- Jordan Lubell: I'm going to be vice-president of the United States.
- Guy: I'm going to sell shoes to the vice-president of the United States.
- Steve Beauchamp: Wow, they are cool! Except for Shoe Boy.
- Jordan Lubell: [after the test is announced] Man, I had three dates lined up for tonight... and now I have to cancel two.
- Marty DePolo: I'll do my best, God.
- [turns to leave, but then turns back]
- Marty DePolo: You are God, aren't you?
- God's cousin Rod: Well, um, no. I'm God's cousin, Rod. But I got this job on my own merits.
- Marty DePolo: [told he is Steve's new guardian angel] Me? I'm sorry, you're making a big mistake.
- God's cousin Rod: Hey! We don't make mistakes! Well, there was the Bubonic plague... oh, and that awful Chevy Chase show, eww.