- Cynthia: You miserable bastard! I hope it hurts worse than it looks! You want to know the first thing I'm going to do? I'm going to find myself a real man, a young one, with balls... and money!
- Cynthia: How does it feel?
- [Jack, Harry and Lucille, after drinking the youth potion, buckle over in pain]
- Cynthia: I thought I'd... improve the recipe. I, I put a little vodka in it.
- Lucille: No, no! You shouldn't do that!
- Cynthia: Oh, but I did! But only after saving some of the pure stuff for myself.
- Crypt Keeper: That Cynthia's a real shrieking violet, wouldn't you say, kiddies? A regular afterlife of the party!
- [laughs maniacally]
- Crypt Keeper: Didn't know I was a bore scout, did you? Well I am! My horrorticulture scareit badge requires me to plant croak-uses. Hmmm... A shame, really... I'd much rather plant... diebrids!
- [laughs maniacally]
- Crypt Keeper: GERONIMO!
- [falls from the sky]
- Crypt Keeper: So glad you could drop in, kill-seekers! Don't worry about me, it only *hearse* when I laugh!
- [laughs maniacally and then groans in pain]
- Crypt Keeper: Boy, that was good! It's even better than hang-gliding!
- [laughs maniacally]
- Crypt Keeper: Of course, some folks would rather keep their feet on terra firma, like the people in tonight's putrid piece. They're spending a nice, quiet weekend in the woods, going *hack* to nature!
- [laughs maniacally]
- Crypt Keeper: I call this fetid fable... Curiosity Killed.