- Colonel Jack O'Neill: Look, doctor, this is another planet.
- Dr. Hamilton: Actually, it's a moon. We're orbiting that gas giant.
- Colonel Jack O'Neill: Oh, well, if it's a *moon*, go ahead do whatever you want. What could happen?
- Teal'c: [Teal'c is preparing to shoot O'Neill with a zatgun so that the electromangetic field will repel the energy based life forms] Are you ready, O'Neill?
- Colonel Jack O'Neill: No. Give me a warning.
- Teal'c: [Teal'c points the zat at O'Neill] I'm going to shoot you.
- Colonel Jack O'Neill: I was thinkin' more along the lines of "On three".
- Colonel Jack O'Neill: O.K. One.
- [Teal'c shoots him]
- Colonel Jack O'Neill: Major. Report.
- Major Griff: Well, we've had a pretty thrilling week. Two days ago Dr. Thompson lost his glasses; and just this morning the electron microscope broke down.
- Colonel Jack O'Neill: Wow.
- Major Griff: Yeah. Non stop excitement.
- Colonel Jack O'Neill: General, I'd like to talk to you about this mission upon which we are about to embark. Seems a bit... ridiculous doesn't it?
- Major General George Hammond: Have you met General Ryan?
- General Ryan: Hello, Colonel.
- Colonel Jack O'Neill: The General Ryan? Chief of Staff?
- General Ryan: That's right.
- Colonel Jack O'Neill: Shouldn't there have been a memo or something?
- Major General George Hammond: You were off world.
- Colonel Jack O'Neill: Ahh yeah. So what brings you to our little secret base, sir?
- General Ryan: That would be the ridiculous mission you just mentioned.
- Major Samantha Carter: What were you thinking breaking the nose of an upperclassman like that?
- Air Force Cadet Jennifer Hailey: Swing high?
- General Kerrigan: [discussing Cadet Hailey] She reminds me of a bright young cadet who came through here a few years ago.
- Major Samantha Carter: [blushing] I have no idea who you're talking about, sir.