- Gavin P. Miller: I'm freaking out! Turns out this woman I've been seeing is not exactly who she said she was.
- Harold: Huh huh, I've, I've been there. It's quite awkward. The key is to check for an Adam's apple.
- [first lines]
- Harold: Morning, Kat.
- Katrina: Morning, Harold. I'll get your coffee in a minute; I'm a little swamped back here.
- Harold: No thank you, no coffee for me. Never again; I'm going cold turkey.
- Katrina: Since when?
- Harold: Since I read a new study on the ill effects of caffeine. It's a powerful and dangerous drug you're peddling.
- Katrina: Relax, it's just coffee.
- Harold: I can relax; I'm not a coffee drinker. Anxiety and sleeplessness are two side effects. Also decreased sperm mobility. That's right, you're up all night, and your boys can't dance.
- [a waiting customer leaves the line]
- Katrina: Harold, that's not true
- Harold: It's *fact*! And sterility isn't the worst of it. Coffee can cause respiratory problems, heart disease. You might as well be pouring a hot cup of cigarettes.
- [more customers leave]
- Katrina: Would you stop!
- Harold: That's what you'll be saying to the pain as your calcium-starved bones snap like pretzels.
- Katrina: [to the last customer] Here you go.
- [he declines the coffee and leaves]
- Katrina: Well, wait, there's a...
- [Harold takes the coffee]
- Katrina: Harold!
- Harold: I love coffee and I *hate* lines.
- Skyler Dayton: Are you seeing anybody?
- Carrie: Um, I'd kind of just like my iPod.
- Skyler Dayton: No no no! No! No! I didn't mean it like that! I mean I'm not gay. Though I have dabbled. But... But, uh, there's always been a guy watching.
- Gavin P. Miller: I'm just not interested in dating some girl in her early twenties.
- Skyler Dayton: Do you realize what you just said has never been spoken by a man in the entire history of the world?
- Gavin P. Miller: What you did was bad, very, very bad.
- Carrie: Oooh, you wanna spank me?
- Gavin P. Miller: Yes! I mean no! Would you stop talking like that!
- [last lines]
- Skyler Dayton: Hey, Kat, where should I put 'Sweet Valley High'? Romance?
- Katrina: I think Gavin likes to put it in Young Adult.
- Skyler Dayton: [all but Gavin laugh] That was good.
- Gavin P. Miller: OK, this is getting old.
- Skyler Dayton: Oh, and we know that you don't like it when things get old.
- [more laughter]
- Skyler Dayton: Oh, come on, Gavin, look at this way: you dumped the head cheerleader; you stood up to the captain of the football team; it's every guy's high school fantasy.
- Gavin P. Miller: Huh. Never thought of it like that. Not that I didn't have my moments in high school. I dated a cheerleader then.
- Stuart Miller: Flag girl.
- Gavin P. Miller: Same thing.
- Stuart Miller: At band camp.
- Gavin P. Miller: Shut up!