- [first lines]
- Skyler Dayton: And if you sign up for our membership card I can take 20% off right now.
- Male Customer: Cool! I know exactly which 20% I want you to take off.
- Skyler Dayton: Really! Which?
- Male Customer: I... I wouldn't...
- Skyler Dayton: 'How to Pick Up Women' is in aisle 8.
- Male Customer: Yes, ma'am.
- Gavin P. Miller: The guy cheated on you left and right; he's completely meretricious.
- Skyler Dayton: Professor?
- Harold: Meretricious: it's a word people use to say "Hey, look at me. I know the word meretricious."
- Woman: I would kill for a figure like that.
- Skyler Dayton: Hey, I can hear you. And it's not like I bought the last pair.
- Harold March: [Stuart and Gavin want Harold to give some kids a science lecture in the store] If I wanted to lecture to a bunch of ungrateful brats whose only accomplishments are playing video games and throwing up, I never would have left Dartmouth!
- Gavin P. Miller: Did you know one of the very few species of animals that mate for life is the whooping crane... and the ugly guy.