South Park (TV Series)
Chickenlover (1998)
Trey Parker: Stan Marsh, Eric Cartman, Mr. Garrison, Booktastic Bus Driver, Officer Barbrady, Woman in Crowd, Tom the News Reader, Reporter #2, Press Conference Host, Rioter #1, Johnson, Randy Marsh, Kevin McCormick
Quotes
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[Barbrady is asked to solve a legal problem]
Officer Barbrady : Hey, I just thought of something. No, wait, that's subtraction.
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Cartman : Respect my authoritah.
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Mayor : Officer Barbrady what are you doing? You still haven't caught Chicken Fucker Yet.
Officer Barbrady : Ah Ah! Mayor in front of the children we say "Chicken Lover".
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Officer Barbrady : Yes, at first, I was happy to be learning how to read. It seemed exciting and magical. But then I read this: Atlas Shrugged, by Ayn Rand. I read every last word of this garbage, and because of this piece of shit, I'm never reading again!
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Mr. Garrison : Now, does anyone have any suggestions where we should begin with Officer Barbrady?
Kyle Broflovski : How about a brain transplant?
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Mr. Garrison : Yes Officer Barbrady?
Officer Barbrady : I need to go poopies.
Mr. Garrison : Officer Barbrady, in school we use the bathroom before and after class.
Officer Barbrady : Oh Christ, how do you kids do it?
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Mr. Garrison : Now, Kyle, let's be supportive of our new student, give him the nurturing environment he needs to thrive. Now, I'm gonna write a sentence and I want us all to help Officer Barbrady read it.
[he writes on the chalkboard Oprah Winfrey has huge knockers]
Mr. Garrison : Give it a shot , Officer Barbrady.
Officer Barbrady : Ahhh... O... O...
Mr. Garrison : Bzzzt! Wrong! Try again, dumbass!
[guffaws]
Mr. Garrison : Okay, okay. Maybe we should try something a little easier. We can work our way up to the hard ones.
[He writes on the chalkboard The hat is red]
Mr. Garrison : Go ahead, Barbrady, don't be scared.
Officer Barbrady : Ahhh... O...
Mr. Garrison : Bzzzt drrrrr! Did you hear that, Mr. Hat? I sure did, Mr. Garrison. What a retard!
[guffaws uncontrollably]
Officer Barbrady : [to the children] Did you kids actually learn how to read this way?
Stan Marsh : No, we just fake it to shut him up.
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Cartman : Step out of the car, please, sir.
Randy Marsh : Wait a second. Aren't you Stan's little friend?
Cartman : Sir, step out of the car, please.
Randy Marsh : Yeah, you're the one who always plugs up the toilet at our house.
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Officer Barbrady : Keep your eyes peeled boys, someone's going to make love to this chicken any second now.
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Stan Marsh : If we read will we become like that guy?
Kyle Broflovski : Yeah this is stupid, books aren't magical
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Cartman : This book was pretty good. I give it a B-.
Mr. Garrison : And I give you an F, now sit down.
Cartman : Ah, son of a bitch.