- Mayor Anita Massengil: The hottest show on TV is going to be here.
- Notch Johnson: Walker Texas Ranger?
- B.J. Cummings: I never dreamed something like this could happen.
- Chad Jeremy: Hey, the best is yet to come. Crab-a-Palooza is Saturday night.
- B.J. Cummings: Oh, it's so exciting, Chad. I've been catching crabs all week!
- Chad Jeremy: You know, B.J., it's a custom at Crab-a-Palooza to have unprotected sex with the person you go with.
- B.J. Cummings: I know. But, Chad, there's something I should tell you.
- Chad Jeremy: Don't worry, I have herpes too.
- B.J. Cummings: [chuckles] No, I don't care about that. It's just that... I'm a... I'm a virgin... and... and I wanna give it up, but... to someone that really loves me.
- Chad Jeremy: B.J... *I* love you.
- [kisses her]
- B.J. Cummings: That's all I needed to hear.
- Chad Jeremy: You know, you need some lingerie for Crab-a-Palooza. Got any?
- B.J. Cummings: Does Victoria have a Secret?
- Hottie McDaniel: Notch Johnson and the Johnsonettes!
- Notch Johnson: I know a place that's way out, man / Having a party's the only plan / No more studies / No more books / Join the kids who have good looks / at Spring Break, Spring Break! / At Spring Break, Spring Break! / Everyone's high as a kite / Sleep with a stranger tonight / at Spring Break, Spring Break! / You're on vacation, but you still take a test / If you get wild you'll score the best / Drink yourself a case, It's much too low / on the breath-o-meter you need a 4 point 0 / at Spring Break, Spring Break! / At Spring Break, Spring Break! / Everyone's high as a kite / Sleep with a stranger tonight / at Spring Break...!