- Burt Campbell: Seven of my men are gonna be off today because it's a Jewish holiday and I'm gonna have to do all their jobs. You know, what kills me is I don't think they're all Jewish - two of 'em are black and ones an Indian.
- Mary Campbell: I want to go to school, Burt.
- Burt Campbell: Mary, it's 5:30 in the morning - school's closed.
- Mary Campbell: I'm serious. I want to go to college. I want to study English.
- Burt Campbell: Why? I think you speak it very well.
- Burt Campbell: Y'know, I really love musicals. The only one that ever disappointed me was "Cabin in the Sky," but that was my own fault because I thought it was gonna be a musical about the construction industry.
- Jessica Tate: You know, the nice thing about a turtle is that that's something everyone can use but seldom goes out to buy for himself.
- [first lines]
- Jessica Tate: [knocking at the bedroom door] Yoo hoo! May I come in?
- Corinne Tate-Flotsky: Sure, Ma.
- Jessica Tate: Corinne, it was such a beautiful wedding. And you were the most beautiful bride I've ever seen.
- Corinne Tate-Flotsky: Thanks, Ma.
- Jessica Tate: And Tim was so handsome. Oh, it just couldn't have been nicer. It's just a shame Bob got so drunk and hit Chuck.
- Burt Campbell: We're going to kill Elaine with kindness.
- Mary Campbell: Kill her with kindness?
- Burt Campbell: Right. See Danny's not going to let her dress, eat, or sleep, because nothing's ever good enough for her, and since it;s out of love, she can't get mad at him.
- Mary Campbell: If it doesn't work, can I just kill her?
- Burt Campbell: Sure.