- Chief of Police Tinkler: [Pointing at Benson] He's a suspect.
- Chester Tate: Why?
- Chief of Police Tinkler: Well, for two reasons. Number 1, because he's black.
- Benson: [nodding] That's fair.
- Chief of Police Tinkler: And the other reason is because he's the butler. And we all know in many, many cases like this the butler did it.
- Chief of Police Tinkler: Now the following questions need to have some answers: how, when, where, why, and who. That's an H and four W's. Number one: How? Well, according to the coroner's report, the victim was stabbed, shot, strangled, suffocated, and bludgeoned. That four S's and a B.
- Jessica Tate: And still he looked so peaceful.
- Chief of Police Tinkler: Alright, what can we assume from the fact that he was stabbed, shot, strangled, suffocated, and bludgeoned?
- Jodie Dallas: That he didn't commit suicide.
- Chief of Police Tinkler: Well, we can assume that Peter Campbell either had many killers, or he had one killer who really hated his guts.
- Chief of Police Tinkler: [Turning to Father Tim] Oh, you're a priest. Well, that leaves you off the hook.
- [Danny, disguised as a rabbi, is caught sneaking towards the door]
- Chief of Police Tinkler: Hey, you, the Jewish guy! Who are you?
- Danny Dallas: I'm Rabbi Maccabee.
- Chief of Police Tinkler: Well, what are you doing here? They're Episcopalian.
- Danny Dallas: Well, I was passing by on the street, and I heard grief. Jewish grief, Catholic grief, Protestant grief - it's all grief to me!
- Chief of Police Tinkler: Mrs. Campbell. Now, there's no reason in the world to suspect you. Therefore, I suspect you. Suspect number 12. Alright, moving right along to Mr. Campbell, the bereaved father, the least likely suspect of all.
- Burt Campbell: Right.
- Chief of Police Tinkler: Therefore a suspect.
- Chief of Police Tinkler: [Pointing at Jodie] You too are a suspect.
- Jodie Dallas: Oh, I can't wait to hear why.
- Chief of Police Tinkler: Because you're a homo.
- Benson: That's almost as good as my reason.