Soap (TV Series)
Episode #1.13 (1977)
Gordon Jump: Chief of Police Tinkler
Photos
Quotes
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Chief of Police Tinkler : [Pointing at Benson] He's a suspect.
Chester Tate : Why?
Chief of Police Tinkler : Well, for two reasons. Number 1, because he's black.
Benson : [nodding] That's fair.
Chief of Police Tinkler : And the other reason is because he's the butler. And we all know in many, many cases like this the butler did it.
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Chief of Police Tinkler : Now the following questions need to have some answers: how, when, where, why, and who. That's an H and four W's. Number one: How? Well, according to the coroner's report, the victim was stabbed, shot, strangled, suffocated, and bludgeoned. That four S's and a B.
Jessica Tate : And still he looked so peaceful.
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Chief of Police Tinkler : Alright, what can we assume from the fact that he was stabbed, shot, strangled, suffocated, and bludgeoned?
Jodie Dallas : That he didn't commit suicide.
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Chief of Police Tinkler : Well, we can assume that Peter Campbell either had many killers, or he had one killer who really hated his guts.
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Chief of Police Tinkler : [Turning to Father Tim] Oh, you're a priest. Well, that leaves you off the hook.
[Danny, disguised as a rabbi, is caught sneaking towards the door]
Chief of Police Tinkler : Hey, you, the Jewish guy! Who are you?
Danny Dallas : I'm Rabbi Maccabee.
Chief of Police Tinkler : Well, what are you doing here? They're Episcopalian.
Danny Dallas : Well, I was passing by on the street, and I heard grief. Jewish grief, Catholic grief, Protestant grief - it's all grief to me!
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Chief of Police Tinkler : Mrs. Campbell. Now, there's no reason in the world to suspect you. Therefore, I suspect you. Suspect number 12. Alright, moving right along to Mr. Campbell, the bereaved father, the least likely suspect of all.
Burt Campbell : Right.
Chief of Police Tinkler : Therefore a suspect.
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Chief of Police Tinkler : [Pointing at Jodie] You too are a suspect.
Jodie Dallas : Oh, I can't wait to hear why.
Chief of Police Tinkler : Because you're a homo.
Benson : That's almost as good as my reason.